What to Do When Your Ex Is Depressed or Has a Mental Illness

He there, this is clay with RelationshipInnerGame.com,
and today we’re going to be talking about something that’s maybe a little bit more serious
and this is people who write in with a question that comes in actually surprisingly often
more often than you’d think, which is what to do if your ex has some sort of mental illness,
something like depression or bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and narcissistic
personality disorder or you know, any other thing like that out there. Of course, I have to preface this by saying,
you know, I’m not a psychologist. I’m a guy on YouTube. Even if I was a psychologist, this is just
a youtube video. This is not me diagnosing anybody. This is not me giving anybody actual advice
because of these many things that you know, I’m, you’re watching this video. I don’t know you, I don’t know your ex. I have not interacted with them most likely
and even if I did, it probably was not enough or in a substantial way to actually be able
to diagnose them in a way where I could give any meaningful specific advice. Of course, see a psychologist, get your ex
to see a psychologist, all of that stuff. But when it comes to a mental disorder, this
is what you need to know. Number one, you have to accept that your ex
has this condition. Whatever it is, right? You have to emotionally accept that, right? We’ve talked about emotional acceptance in
a previous video. Um, and you have to just welcome that and
just say, not that you have to be excited about it or anything, but you just have to
be emotionally okay with the fact that this is the way that this person is. Your ex is a person that has, you know, fill
in the blank disorder, fill in the blank syndrome, fill in the blank illness, right? You have to be emotionally okay with that. And you know, of course, depending on whatever
the mental illness is, it might be a temporary thing. It might be a permanent thing or whatever. And you just have to accept that, hey, if
I get into a relationship with somebody who has borderline personality disorder, I will
experience the consequences of being in a relationship with somebody who has borderline
personality disorder. Okay. And by acceptance here, what I’m saying is
that you should not expect them to change for you. Okay. How you found them is how they are likely
to stay. Which means if your ex or anybody that you’re
dating or seeing or anything like that has borderline personality disorder, they will
probably always have borderline personality disorder. If they have depression, they will probably
always have some sort of depression in their life. If they have bipolar, they’ll probably always
had bipolar in some way of their life. Now, sure there is medication and all of that
stuff. Again, I’m not a psychiatrist or anything
like that, so don’t take any advice on that from me, but you have to accept them as they
are and assume that how you found them as how they are likely to stay. Can people change? Yes. Do people change? Yes, but can you expect that you will change
them? No. Can you expect that the power of your love
will change them? No. Can you expect that you will learn some sort
of secret text message technique that will cause them to finally stop being emotionally
unavailable and learned to love you and only you for now and forever? No, because again, our golden rule is how
you found them is how they are likely to stay. So from this point of view, you have a choice. You have to choose to either pursue a relationship
with them and face the consequences of being in a relationship with a person who has some
sort of disorder, disease, illness, whatever. Okay. You have to accept that. And if you choose to accept that, you have
to be emotionally okay with the fact that you will get the consequences of that. Right. Again, I don’t. I don’t know what particular illness your
ex, significant other boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, has what? You have to be emotional. Okay with that and if you’re not, which is
totally okay. You know, you don’t have to be in a relationship
with somebody who has borderline personality disorder, has bipolar disorder, is depressed,
has, you know, manic depressive, whatever it is, right? You don’t have to be in a relationship with
somebody who has any of these things. That’s 100 percent okay. And if you choose not to, then you have to
let go of that person and decide, okay, uh, that’s not something that I’m prepared to
deal with. So I’m gonna go out and see if I can find
a relationship with somebody who doesn’t have this disorder, this illness, this, whatever. So that’s really what I would recommend if
you are experiencing some sort of relationship issue with somebody who has some kind of mental
illness. Okay? So I hope this helps you out and if you’d
like to learn more about how to meet and connect with somebody on a romantic level, please
go ahead and check out our website RelationshipInnerGame.com. I’ll talk to you in our next video. Take care.

16 thoughts on “What to Do When Your Ex Is Depressed or Has a Mental Illness

  1. Huh, it’s really hard to be with such a person who has obsessive insecurity, strong negative ego, jealousy, doubting, and the worst part is they know their problems but never admit and work on…dealing with one, getting heartbroken every day… 🙁

  2. My ex left me because she couldn't control me. She genuinely left me because I didn't cut my hair or dress the way she wanted. I stood my ground and she didn't like that so left. It's been 2 months and she still hasn't reached out. It sucks that she would leave me over something so minor specially when I was so good to her. She'd been saying it since day one. She believed I would eventually listen but I never did and the anger built up and she left. I was not comfortable with the style she wanted so I refused. I think she had a mental illness called borderline personality disorder. She was so serious about the hair thing that at one point she cut herself and cried just so I would listen to her. It was all about control to her, without control I was no use, so she discarded me.

  3. My ex broke up with me because she thinks that she was mentally abusing me, because of the insecurities, and she can't deal with the stress for being in a relationship anymore. Yet I do really love her and I want to stay, but she just refused any sorts of contacts and even blocked me on social media. What are my chances

  4. my ex her mom went on a buisness trip for 5 days. 3 days in my ex cried for her mom. she is 22. I still loved her. and I want her back still

  5. Wow this video is goving real knowledge thank you so much your awesome God is use you to ease people.mind … God bless you dear

  6. I was with someone who told me from the start he had issues with depression. I also struggle with depression and to me, that wasn't an issue. What he failed to tell me was he was also an alcoholic. I found out for sure after a week and he told me to leave him but I wanted to make him feel valued despite his condition. He was an old friend and I deeply cared for him. Addiction is hard because some people do change but then others don't. I stayed on the hopeful side because that is my character and I also thought that he could use my support. It was months of heartache before he got into rehab. He fell apart right away and more heartache as I tried to explain to him that he was not changing, yet he kept saying he loved me and hated his behavior and wanted to change for me. More months and he only got worse, but I kept my distance and just shared how much I loved him and told him. He decided to go to rehab again and changed his living environment afterwards, he was mostly sober during that time. I was ecstatic to not have to worry about him drinking and my hope of a happy future grew. He started to relapse and talked of moving in with me so we could go finish school together. I knew it was a bad idea but he made it seem like it would be good, I was his biggest support and if he failed…he had more at stake. he believed he could be successful. I wanted to believe as well. We decided to live together this fall semester. It was good when I stayed by him but after a while he relapsed and just could not stop himself. We had fights, things were broken, police involved multiple times. Eventually it got physical between us and I had mustered up the strength to put myself first and leave him. I had to leave my vision of a happy future behind for my own good. I still hope he gets better for his own sake. I hope he seeks treatment and really works on managing the disease of alcoholism. I just can't wait around for it to happen, nor go back to the relationship knowing how much pain it all can cause me.

  7. Another great piece of advice if you want to continue a relationship with someone who is mentally ill or has a personality disorder. Take the time to learn about their disorder. Humans want to be understood and want to have connections with people who are genuinely supportive and empathetic.

  8. My ex wrote me a card saying she loved me and wanted to move in with me, the next day she said I couldn't support her and that she needed time away from me , she has bipolar disorder.
    I initially contacted her but she is ghosting me, I've decided the no contact rule , will she ever be in touch? I miss her, seems like she hates me, if been blocked on all social medias expect Pinterest which she's blogging some pretty harsh stuff like quotes , seemingly about me, our relationship. It's like she flipped overnight, all I want is to help her and for her to come back, but how can I if she doesn't let me?

  9. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to experience when you have to finally let go because they refuse to get help and refuse to let you be there to support them 😢 It’s hard not to beat ourselves up by thinking that there was something different or more that we could’ve done to save the relationship, but I see, in reality there’s nothing that would’ve changed the outcome. Thank you so much for this video ❤️

  10. My ex broke up with me because of his illness. We were perfect and then his mood swings changed him overnight. It’s been a month since he started distancing himself and 10 days since we broke up and went NC. I miss him so much.

  11. Clay please do a video about mother in law to involved with your relationship with your spouse please when your spouse has depression and her mum tells her shes happier there like encouraging her

  12. My ex have borderline.. It's not going to work…that whas my cryptonit.. I am a strong and stedy man but it made me weak

  13. As someone with anxiety, I'd like to say that mental illness is a disease of the brain, just like heart failure, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure are diseases of the cardiovascular system, MS is a disease of the central nervous system, diabetes is an endocrine disease, Emphysema and COPD are diseases of the pulmonary system, lupus, IBS, Hashimotos, rheumatoid arthritis, chrohns, and many more are all diseases of the autoimmune system, etc…. My point is that being in a relationship with someone who has any disease can be extremely challenging. Clay, I'm a huge fan. I love what you are doing with your videos, websites, courses, etc. They have helped me tremendously in my current relationship, and have helped thousands more, but…. If you are going to cover diseases/illnesses, please don't single out mental illness, it's no different than any other disease/illness.

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