THIS IS DEPRESSION (VERY WELL: episode 1 new mental health series!)


At this present moment, I feel as though
all the pieces of my life are falling into place. It’s just that I’m not there
to enjoy it. I have this hunger that cannot be sated, no matter how eagerly I
feed on the give-and-take of relationships. Like I’m hollow. Like there’s
a black hole inside me that absorbs all the warmth, security, support and love and
it leaves me missing. It leaves me aching for an embrace that lasts forever. One
that would compress me until I’m lead-heavy, because only then I would feel
complete. Or would I? How can I ever feel content if I can’t
precisely the discern what’s missing? There’s a distance between me and the
perceptible world. I cannot touch it or grasp its true nature and it cannot
grasp mine. A vantablack void. Back in the day I would open my eyes every
morning, longing for change, but what I got instead were a thousand
disappointments. So eventually… I stopped counting. Depression has clipped my wings yet
anxiety expects me to fly. Somehow I managed to disappoint myself, even though
I didn’t have any expectations in the first place. Everyone who kept their
fingers crossed for me has long quit, as though they got tired of waiting. No
wonder they left. I would too. Sadly, I cannot walk away from myself. I’m forced into existence, watching
people handle life so effortlessly, while I fall apart at 2PM. ‘How are you doing?’ –
they ask. So I try to find words, but they evade me.
I can feel myself subsiding, nearing the point of no return. The cracks are
starting to show through the flimsy layer of paper I’ve been trying to cover them
with. But I just lift my head up and… smile. ‘Yeah, I’m well’.

47 thoughts on “THIS IS DEPRESSION (VERY WELL: episode 1 new mental health series!)

  1. You can support my channel here: https://www.paypal.me/katnapiorkowska

    instagram: napiorkowska

    Thank you so much for any kind of donation! Simply sharing the video helps a ton as well. 😘

  2. I admire very much your videos but i don't get it. If you clearly don't suffer from depression why do you try to advertise it. I don't want to sound rude at all but it's like you do these beautiful videos only for the money

  3. Watching this being at work and can't stop crying. I had to stop the video in the middle and I'll continue when I'm back home. It's so real. Even if Im in a better mood rignt now, watching stuff like that still is triggering. Thank you for this. People must understand. This can't be tabu any more.

  4. Mogłabym słuchać twojego głosu caly czas… jest taki uspokajający…
    Cieszę się że twoje filmy dotyczą tak trudnej tematyki, ciężko jest o tym mówić, a tu wydaje się być takie łatwe…

  5. Thank you, truly thank you. I'm experiencing depression and I think to myself that at least there is someone out there understand

  6. i I know that the subject of this film is very important and moving, but let focus on details. I have to say it, please put on the headphones and close your eyes … IT'S S ** IS GOOOD It's a completely different experience and perception of reality, I feel it is a new dimension senses. Good job Kat, you're designing a new art space, keep goin

  7. Yesterday my dad asked if something was wrong. I said I was tired, because "I feel bad for being here, watching days that quickly pass near me, waiting for a thing that will never arrive" would be weird

  8. I’ve struggeled with depression for as long as I can remember and I’ve always felt something I couldn’t name. Now I know, I managed to dissapoint myself even though I had no expectations in the first place. That’s it. Thank you, I feel a lot better knowing how to describe it. Depression is a total dick, hang in there all my depressed fellows 🖤

  9. After years of mental health struggle, meditation showed me that the more I practice being in the present moment, in the now, out of my head and in my body, focused on my breath, all you feel then is peace within. Peace comes from not striving forward, and not looking back, but being here and now. Realizing that every memory, every moment, happens in the now. It comes and goes.

  10. Thanks for your videos Kat! I am a 17 year old girl from South Africa and I have Bipolar 1 disorder, the videos you make are so helpful, they help people understand more about the people around them, I used your video on bipolar to explain it to my friends.

  11. Girl I feel you. I’m feeling really fucking down for awhile now to… idk why, I suppose sometimes it just hits you like a punch in the face, or worse… like the hit you would feel if you jumped in front of a train. Hope we can all feel better soon

  12. This is so relatable. I have so many people in my life but i don’t know who to turn to anymore. It really feels like no one understands me, when i myself don’t even understand what’s going on. I hope everyone here who feels the same way has gotten the help i’ve been avoiding and i hope those who are just like me will eventually face our demons and accept it.

  13. I love so much your videos, they always inspire me so much, I wish someday I'll be as good as you are with you videos.

  14. i never knew what happend to me, and i still don't know.
    and if someone can tell me i'd be thankful.
    but for that i have to put you in context…

    i had to do an exam to enter a secondary school, and i had to pass, obviously. only 60 of around 300 people passed, and it's known for being quite difficult.
    i always wanted to go to that school, so i prepared with a teacher since the last days of march (the exam was on the third week of october).

    every year, in my primary school, we do a trip to some part of argentina -were i live-. this was the last and the best one too. i was excited and very happy to go.
    but two weeks after the trip i started to feel a little different. i didn't pay atenttion in class (weird coming from me) but it wasn't that bad, it was for the excitemend that was feeling.

    we're in september now (after the trip). everything was going great, but there's one different thing: the day of the exam closer.
    in this month i started to feel a little weird. i felt a anxious. i felt like everyone would judge me if i failed.
    the attention i was paying in class was everytime less if not none. but this type of attention was different. it wasn't of happines or excitement, it was more like i didn't want to be there, i wanted to cry

  15. Hey ! What are you filming with ? The colors are amazing 😳 Thank you for this video, a lot of us are glad you came back !

  16. I have a feeling that your channel is beautiful. Why is there an Arabic translation? I hope that you will put it in the video clips. Translate it into Arabic. ❤️🌹

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