Stop fighting for feminism | Minh Thuy Ta | TEDxBaDinh


Translator: Ivana Korom
Reviewer: Ha Anh Tran When I was a teenager,
I had my first boyfriend. He made a statement very clear
from the first day that we dated, “No one can give you a ride home
except me”. After that, he beat me four times
in three years we were together. When we broke up, he still said, “No one could ever love you,
as much as I do”. I kind of believed it too, you know,
at least no one beat me that hard. Later on, when I was still young
and beautiful, there was a guy flirting
and chasing me for months, sending me gifts. One day, he gave me a call, “I quit! I don’t think you like boys”. When I was pregnant,
people asked my friend, “What? We thought she was a lesbian!” And then they found out
that I’m a single mom. And they’re like, “Ahh! Yes!
She’s a lesbian”. (Laughter) When I did my first casting
for my TV host job in Vietnam TV, I did it pretty well,
they called me and said, “You passed”. – Yayy! –
“Now you can become our writer”. I was like, ” What?” Because your hair’s too short
and your skin is too dark for being on TV. But then three years after, after working very hard,
I got my first talk show and they shut down my talk show
for three months because I wore a nose pin. When I was writing my first book,
a publisher came to me and said, “We only can publish your book if you change one detail
in the first chapter.” So in that chapter, the character had sex for the first time
when she was 17. “Can you make it, 18?” (Laughter) So that’s the story of my life
and you know at the end I’ve still become a TV host,
I’m still a single mom, I still have a boyfriend, clearly, not a lesbian at all and I still published my first book. But that draftily tells you a life
of a Vietnamese women in Vietnam. Sometimes you have to accept
to be beaten by your boyfriend, you have to fall for anyone that’s rich,
good-looking and go after you. You cannot have sex
when you’re under 18. You cannot have a nose pin,
dark skin or short hair. So simply you cannot look too different. But that’s just the first layer,
there’s so many things under it. There was a time I worked as a Vietnam
ambassador for walk free in New York about human trafficking,
raise awareness to stop human trafficking. And I interviewed few girls
who are the victims of human trafficking. So human trafficking means
that you got sold by someone you know to China to become some stranger’s wife,
to become sex slave. And then they’ve been fighting
very very hard to get out of their prison. And you know what, after years
finally they made it home to Vietnam. They met their parents
and their own parents abandoned them. They insult them for being
such a bad daughter, being away from home for so long. And you know what is even funnier,
if they walk around their village, they might bump into the guy
that tricked them and sold them to China before, but couldn’t do anything about it. Because in Vietnam if you stole a chicken
and sold it, people might put you in jail, but if you tricked a girl and sold her,
there’s no law yet. And sometimes, they have to stand
to be sent to some shelter just to learn some skill, to get back
to the community as a normal girl. So imagine what they’ve been through. And I really admire them
for doing all that. it’s been many years, many centuries, and the history has an amazing example
for you. I’m just a tiny person in Vietnam,
and what I did is very tiny. I know there’s a bigger scale than that. But go back to the talk today. Nowadays, I felt like
feminism’s become a trend, and this trend is overrated. So, here’s the media world, and you will see all the faces,
all the feminists, that they try to build these days in those superstar,
all pop stars I got a chance to interview, Demi Lovato and Katy Perry. And they’re such soft women. There’s a time they have to be in rehab,
very hard to get back to their real life. And there’s time they felt they’re so chubby
and they have to excercise a lot to get back to the image
people used to see them. And Katy Perry, when she was in Vietnam, she was clumsy because she couldn’t find
a good word to give a speech. So all that moments,
but without being very close to them, there’s no way you could see. All you see is this: the feminism, strong women. Media built such a strong image
of the new women. And now everything is overrated,
if you look tough – you’re a feminist, if you’re successful in your career –
you’re feminist, If you’re not married yet,
you’re feminist or maybe something is wrong with you. And then people like me suddently become a role model
for young women. They’d come to me and say.
“Thuy Minh – I want to be like you,
I want to be strong, I want to be successfulI, I want to travel the world,
I want to become a single mom like you”. You know I became a single mom,
not because I wanted to give a statement of my own love life
that I don’t need men. No! I became a single mom because that’s the only choice
I [had at] that time. I didn’t get married
with the father of my son, because I’m not in love with him anymore. I know nowadays, many Vietnamese girls get pressured
from the society and family that they have to choose
a certain career path. They have to get married
at a certain age. They have to have a child
at a certain age, spent a certain time with their family. But then I think
men get the same pressure. Are there many men here? Do you have pressures
to have a career path, get married and have children? It’s not that women have the pressure,
everyone can get that pressure. So go back, I’m sorry if you hurry
and settle down with some wrong partner. It’s your fault, it’s not because
you’re a woman in Vietnam. No! Because go back to my life,
I did everything for myself, not only because I’m a woman,
but let’s say you’re a strong woman already,
and you want to fight for feminism. You want to become a feminist,
and you try to show to the world, as the pop stars
that you watch in media. You want to show that you can
travel the world, you’re successful. You can do anything without a man. You can fix your car. But let’s say if you’re very successful
in your fight, then where you’re going to be. There’re only 2 scripts for feminists. You would end up alone
because that’s what you ask for. You don’t need a man
or you don’t need a woman. I think that’s pretty sad,
all of us need someone. Even the strongest man or woman would love to have somebody
next to [them]. And I think it’s pretty sad if you end up
just by yourself, because you keep giving a statement
for your whole life that you’re independent
and you don’t need anyone. The second script is you try
to punish men and then force men to [go] through what you’ve been through. Have you heard of Mensiety?
Anyone, have you heard of Mensiety? So it’s when men feel very anxious
because around [them] there’re so many suddenly so many powerful,
independent women. So he worries, like, “One day I’m going to
lose my own power”. Anyone of you ever
get through this feeling? Good! Good! Because deep down
honestly I believe a real man, shouldn’t be thinking that way. Shouldn’t look at women as the threat. That’s very different from women because women think
any men’s problems are for men. But men, I don’t think they care much
about feminist or you know how strong, because they would love that, but let’s see one day,
the world is flipped. Our men suddenly don’t have
to go to work anymore. I think they’ll love it. I just heard the man and he brings
that idea of doing nothing for 10 minutes. I’m sorry but that’s a men’s world. Men have a box in their brains,
the empty box. Women cannot do that,
when we do nothing, we paint our nails, we’re thinking about what to do next,
who to call to talk to. We don’t do nothing, so I think men
would love there’s a world that they can stay home, put some toys
to the kids, play games all day, watch TV and then wash dishes
when the wife came home. So, but for me as a woman,
I don’t like to see that scene. It’s a little bit illy for me. If I go home,
I see my man washing dishes. And then I have to go out and fix our car. I don’t think that’s the script
any women wants. And feminists, I don’t think
you’d feel happier with that scene. Are you happier? (Laughter) Ok! In that case, this morning
I was surprised I’m not going to point out the person who that is. I just know a couple
who are the ambassadors, and the lady, just yesterday – and they said they would
attend the TED talk. They talked to each other they said only
one of them could attend the talk. And the first thing in my mind is, of course, this ambassador, of course,
the man is going to be at the talk and the lady is going
to stay at home and take care of the kids. And then who came up today? The lady! So just a little example to say
that there’s many things that could change
and many different concepts. but at the same time I’d like to say, if you want to become a feminist,
that’s your choice. If you don’t want to become a feminist,
that’s your choice too. But make sure that’s your choice! Look back at my life a little bit,
the other day my boyfriend said, “I think you should spend
more time with your kids”. I was very sad, very pissed
and I came up to him and said, “I’m sorry, I’m a mom to my son but at the same time
I’m the man in the family. And at the same time I’m myself,
I need my morning coffee, I need my little alone time.” Some time I could travel
by myself but that’s mean, and I don’t want that conflict
with a man, mother or a father, a man who work everyday. So be anyone that you want to be. I think there’s no definition
that you should become or the media lead you to be. Can be strong, can be feminist
but make sure, that’s you. And as a woman I think the most powerful
woman is someone know that you’re soft, know that you’re weak, know that sometimes you need
somebody around you, know that you can cry and show
your emotion. One line, one sentence I really like. “The secret of happiness is no secret! So be happy, be yourself!” Thank you!
(Applause)

100 thoughts on “Stop fighting for feminism | Minh Thuy Ta | TEDxBaDinh

  1. She did not have much of a message. Just rambling. At first I was really eager to hear what she said, but after a while I'm just like, "Wtf is her point?"

  2. You know I went to a co-ed primary and high school, followed by co-ed university and employment, along the way I had male and female teachers and bosses – I am yet to understand why there is a degree of brainwashing and war coming from both sides of the camp regarding gender.
    I think it is part of a subterranean intention which manipulates animosity in individuals to band together for a cause they aren’t actually in control of, in likeness of the case of Evergreen State College and Bret Weinstein.

  3. Men aren’t afraid of women who are “strong and independent”. Men fear women in societies that allow women to use other men against them in the form of proxy violence

  4. I really enjoyed this talk. To be independent is to have an independent thought. Once you conform you are no longer a free thinker. Make sure your choice is your choice and not following a trend. If you end up unhappy, it's your choice. Choose happiness.

  5. Feminism is just communism/lesbianism. If men do not separate sharing a government they will consume us and are children

  6. Women are the enemies of women. Majority prefer the company of men . Men don’t judge. Women are bitches to other women.

  7. This is a real woman that has been through real adversity. She was truly persecuted not offended. And she obviously understands that modern feminism is a toxic ideology that leaves women angry, sad and empty.

  8. Women have no idea what they want. Nothing would turn them off more than a man that wants to be a stay at home husband

  9. I'm all for people being critical of contemporary feminism, but she just kind of drones on her personal life, and finishes with a poorly worded and cliché "be yourself" speech.
    Anyobody can get a Ted talk these days. :/

  10. Done. Easy.

    I stopped caring about "women's issues" once i realized women care nothing for men other than what they can extract from men's labor and resources, and boys' vulnerable bodies and minds.

    Women can fend for themselves; build that mythological matriarchy for yourselves.

    Equality is a lie, and helping women in any capacity is below me. My interests are more important than any woman, in any country.

  11. Stop fighting for feminism, or for any "ism" in that matter. Instead, fight for yourself and the women (and men) around you whom you cherish. Fight for people, not ideas.

    I think that's the message. Pretty wise one I'd say.

  12. What's up with the jump cuts? Is there something you didn't want us to see? Seriously, I'm asking unironically.

  13. I find it fascinating that feminists attack women that don't drink the kool-aid and choose to think for themselves. Some of the most amazing women I know refuse to be feminists because they're strong because they're strong not because they're on an angry bandwagon.

  14. Top Late damage done – the courts and the whole system is femnazi – good now taste anarchy

  15. I think she began strong and lost the point she was trying to drive midway. says feminism ha become a trend rather than a way to work towards equity, just like how companies paint rainbows for pride to sell more things without allocating any of the profits to lgbt+ youths. but like i said dont know where she was going with this. you could extract various meanings from what she said.

  16. Feminism is a new age religion. But unlike actual religions, there is know concrete rules or values. It was always prone to mutate and be taken over by radicals. Feminism is one of the most toxic things we see in our culture, especially at the university level and all the way up to human resource departments.

  17. Equality. Equality. Equality. You would think we would have been around long enough as humans to know there is No such thing. Balance, yes. Equality, never.

  18. The title is clickbait and trigger bait. The comments are mostly triggered tantrums from people who saw the title but never watched the video. The video itself is confusing, meandering rambling. She is all over the place, and her English is confusing. It's hard to understand what she is trying to say.

  19. I think there is more pressure about having kids for women and maybe about having to get married too. I might be wrong in that matter, fair enough, but I think that there is a lot more pressure in raising a child for woman rather then man. The stereotype that woman should be a stay at home mom while man should provide the money for the family is pretty much vanishing, at least I hope so, but while nowadays both parents have to work, when they get home, I feel like the mom is still mostly responsible for taking care of the child. A mom can be seen as irresponsible among society if she leaves her baby in the hands of her husband for a day, but if a man leaves for a week, that´s ok. She will spend all day worrying about her child's safety. Ofc. she's just being protective like moms naturally are, but I think it might also be because in society, we've been taught that man aren't as capable of taking care of a kid as much as a mom should be.
    Nowadays is much diferent compared to a lot of years ago, we've progressed, and that was only possible because WE, woman, fought for our rights and I think that we still have a lot to fight for.

  20. للأسف هي فاهمه النسوية غلط …النسوية لا تعني كره الرجال او عدم الحاجة لاحد ، والعيش وحيدة ولم تنكر أيضا معاناة الرجال او تستخف بها النسوية تطالب فقط بحقوق متساوية مع الرجال وان لا يملي عليها احد او يجرم الطريقة التي تعيش بها ولا ينظر للنساء كاشخاص من الدرجة الثانية . استغرب بعد الظروف الي مرت بها تفكر كذا

  21. Yeah you do you women MGTOW is spreading fast. The only way of winning is not playing the game. And keeping my freedom and Money but most of all my time.

  22. If it goes against your beliefs you probably disliked this but its good to have a discussion instead of just dismissing someone's opinion cause you don't like it

  23. This speaker who has overcome being beaten, succeeded as a single parent, and worked with women who have been literally bought and sold makes a lot of these so-called "feminists" whose idea of women's rights amounts to killing babies and sticking it to Western men seem like such silly twats.

  24. Modern day feminism is a mixture of mental illness and superficial and misled self proudness, and nothing trying to actually change the lives of those women who are actually suffering, it's a sad laughable joke. They're doing the completely OPPOSITE they think they're doing.

  25. Notice how she says tricking a girl , but where's the men at who's been tricked into thinking the woman really loves and cares for him … All the famous Hollywood actors who have been divorced by women who tricked them … Robert Di Nero is a very good example … Only one aspect about her I'll say is good is she's not using the government to force a guy pay child support for a kid that's not biologically his … No man wants to raise a kid that's not biologically theirs … Which is now happening alot in America

  26. Feminism has been taken in the western world and transformed to fit their “first-world problems”. Things that are superficial and trivial as compared to women who need true feminism… liberation, freedom, rights. Not to downgrade what western women are fighting for, but feminism has been stretched and spread every which way by individuals who don’t really understand other women’s plights.

  27. I dont know where you find the story but girl who want to married with foreigner so that their decision. The law cant make thing like that happen! Respect this country please!

  28. These talks remind me of a quip Dean Martin once told on his Dean Martin Roast shows. Not everyone is qualified to be roasted. Your name has to be in the telephone book.

  29. The comment section should be titled:

    Antifeminists discover the gaps of liberal feminism while ignoring that all these issues and more, better explained and without equidistant, hyperindividualistic comparisons have been already pointed out by other feminists for literally decades

    A bit long, I know.

  30. What about the women in Britain whose lives were ruined by their having their pensions stolen from them. Many have been driven to suicide. Women suddenly had no rights then, and the media has kept very quiet about it.. Let us get real. If it suits the Corrupt Super Rich then women will be treated like dirt, as with afore mentioned pensions; however, if the media appear to be giving voice to the ' interests' of women , then women are being used to make us all worse off. That is the simple truth.

  31. The number of feminists in this comment section trying to put words in her mouth is funny.
    Perhaps they are mansplaining, oops I mean femsplaining, like in the Gillette commercial where the male puts his hand on a colleague's shoulder and attempt to explain on her behalf obnoxiously. Mind you, that fictional depiction of men is what feminists actively do in this comment section

  32. The description for the Talk explains what she is trying to say. It's her idea of the concept of feminism and relationships. I enjoyed the video.

  33. Coming a few years late and seeing all the "ya'll don't understand her" but can't find a single comment critizising her😂

  34. I find that women who speak out against feminism are way more empowered and strong than women that blindly follow it

  35. One thing I would disagree with her on is men or anxious not because women are strong, but because a women can take everything he has earned by saying he did somethig to her that he didn't. That is a real concern that men have and we are doing things to protect ourselves.

  36. Real feminism… just take on board a man's: education, skills, ambition, responsibilities, imagination, creativity, drive, work ethic and self-accountability, get to work and stop whining about inequality. Or just do what you do now but quit whining about wage gaps without doing the actual work. No woman is ever going to let a man stay at home while she works and pays for him. Women have options, men don't. You can do everything a man can do (and more, cos we're easy on you) – or do nothing and get married, feet up. Women have the real privilege, but you never hear that. Most women's lives are subsidised by male labour. Either directly or via the State. Is there a movement for men? No – it's called win or fail by your own efforts – those are OUR options.

  37. If I would be her boyfriend, talking about a concern of me to her, and she would give me that arrogant and egoistic anser, I would quit.

  38. Feminism isn’t saying “we don’t need men”. Of course we need men. But we need to be treated equally to men.

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