Sheepish Season 1 Episode 1: Schizophrenia

I’d like to start of by giving a shout out to our sponsors. Corona Beer: A light overpriced beverage that reminds you just how much better Kingfisher is. I’d also like to take the time to thank Burmese businessman Pan D Mic for his financial support in exchange for pictures of my feet. Mujic Ladies and Gentlemen welcome back to Sheepish. I’m your host Zargo Jigwig. joined in the studio with my editor Atheist Joe and my producer Fat Amy. you may recognize the name from the pitch perfect movies, though, I assure you that all resemblance is purely coincidental, Fat Amy in fact cannot act at all. This is because Fat Amy is in fact a golden retriever. True story In fact Fat Amy is the first golden retriever in her family to go to college. Just like Atheist Joe. Is that even your real name? Atheist Joe. Like first name Atheist last name Joe? Yep. Wow let me guess. Your parents were atheists? Uhhhh.No they were actually agnostics Wait, So Atheist Joe has Agnostic Parents? Okay Umm. How’re your agnostic parents doing? Atheist joe(With contempt) Uhh. Not too good I’m afraid. They were recently di-Agnostic with the Bubonic Plague. Wait, your parents were diagnosed with the Bubonic Plague? Umm Okay, umm Well I hope they get well soon umm. Jeez! Way to kill the mood Atheist Joe( With more Contempt) Uh Moving on Well I guess we should Start this podcast by addressing the elephant in the room. Fat Amy,I need a raise. I haven’t eaten in days I had to eat my third son for breakfast today Atheist Joe: ” Wait, Zargo. You told me you had Burger for breakfast?” Zargo: ” Yes, my third son, Burger Jigwig” Atheist Joe: ” Wait, What” Zargo: “anyways about this whole coronavirus thing” I mean people are panicking left right and centre I mean Smart people, Genuinely Smart people Have gone completely Alex Jones, infowars crazy I mean Is there really that much reason to panic? To find this out I looked at the data And you won’t believe what i found So, if you look at the case history The first 100,00 cases, it took a couple of months The next 100k it took a couple of weeks. and for the last 100k It was just a single week Now When saw this data It reminded me of myself *narcissism* Now, Why did it remind me of myself, you ask This is because My ex ex ex girlfriend left me in two months, My ex ex girlfriend left me in a couple of weeks and my ex girlfriend dumped me in a a couple of days. I mean, either way the main takeaway here is the more that people get to know that you like getting into old people the quicker they’ll leave you be. Another thing that has got people riled up is the fact that the corona virus has affected the job market significantly I mean I was affected by the Coronavirus I was fired around three weeks ago from my job as a Korean translator Atheist Joe: ” Wait, you can speak Korean?” umm. No not at all Then maybe you were fired from your job as a Korean translator for not knowing Korean I was actually fired for workplace nudity Go figure I mean, either way, I was called for a job interview last week and they did ask me this really tough question They asked me what my flaw was and you know how do you answer that question The question is designed just for you to get it wrong So, you know I thought and thought and i decided to turn my bullshit switch on and then i said My biggest flaw is not realizing my dreams through a false sense of academic purpose in order to gain social validation from my peers and you know They bought it up, I think they bought it up So you know,I mean how do you answer that question Atheist Joe? Whats your biggest flaw? Atheist Joe: ” My biggest flaw?” Atheist Joe: “Probably Heroin” Zargo: ” Wait, no way!” Zargo: ” That’s my second biggest flaw!” yay So, fun story My friend Vance joy, you know the artist yea, he had come over to my house a couple of days ago and he was eating ice cream out of my fridge you could tell his teeth were totally sensitive he was in total pain So, I was just like Hey Vance, why don’t you head over to the dentist? he’ll fix you up and then he said No dude I’m actually scared of dentists and the dark Which is really weird Cuz, I thought he was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations But, To Be honest, I don’t blame him Who’s not scared of the dentist? I heard you went to the dentist recently, Atheist Joe? What did you get? A root canal? A fake tooth? Cleaning? You need one. Atheist Joe: “Yea, I did go to the dentist” The only thing he gave me was Crushing Medical Debt Yeah Zargo: “You know fun story” Lady: “Sir, Sir” Americanized Zargo: Hey, what are you doing? Don’t touch that Zargo: ” We’re filing a podcast” Zargo: ” Hey, excuse me” Lady ” Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to stop recording your podcast” Zargo: ” You’re violating my constitutional right to free speech” Lady ” Sir, this is a” McDonalds drive through Youre holding up the other customers mujic

3 thoughts on “Sheepish Season 1 Episode 1: Schizophrenia

  1. OMG this is like the best stuff eva like I can completely relate to Atheist Joe like yass beech, agnostic parents are such a pain yaa

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *