Self-Hatred & How To Deal with it! Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton


Self-hatred, self-loathing, low self esteem, no self confidence. I know this sounds dark and dreary, but we’re gonna talk about it, and we’re gonna figure out what to do. So stay tuned. So like I said, today we’re gonna talk a little bit about self-hatred, lacking confidence, and having really, really low self esteem. Cause I hear from a lot of you that it’s really difficult and we’re kind of trapped in it, and there are many things that we can do to get out of it. So if you find yourself ruminating and having bad day after bad day, or find yourself in the middle of your day and all of a sudden you have these horrible, nasty, negative thoughts, and they just spin and spin and spin until we just wanna go home and cry, cause it’s just been such a bad day. There are so many things that we can do to help ourselves. And the first thing that I want you to do, and I want you to recognize, is where do we find the triggers coming from? Are these triggers that are internal, or are these triggers that are external? Meaning, is it that I watched a video about someone who has everything together and has a great life? Like, sometimes I feel like I follow people on instagram because I’m jealous of their life, right? We watch and they’re like “taking trips to Paris, and buying such nice things, “and going on all these fancy trips, and blah blah blah.” Does that trigger you and make you feel worse about who you are, where you are in your life? Or is it something internal? Is it the story that we tell ourselves? This rumination we just can’t seem to get out of our heads? Which is it? Because then, I have things that we can do for both of those things. So if it’s an external, if it’s something that you find yourself watching, seeing, doing, then obviously, the best thing we can do, is make sure that we’re putting in positive information. We’re seeking out positive people. We’re not making plans with friends that always put us down, or what I call give “complisults,” where they like compliment you but they insult you at the same time and you’re like “why do I feel bad about myself all of a sudden?” Sneaky, sneaky. Not very fun. So let’s make sure if it’s an external thing, that we’re surrounding ourselves with people who brighten us, who build better self esteem for us, who make us feel happy and good about who we are, and where we are in our lives. Or if it’s something we’re reading or looking at, don’t do that anymore. I don’t subscribe to any magazines that promote anything like diets, exercise, or anything like that. Actually, I don’t even subscribe to any magazines, except for Real Simple, cause I love to organize. But, just make sure you’re putting good things in. We can’t put bad things in and expect to get good out, right? So, let’s clean that up. And the second part, if you find that it’s an internal thing, it’s something that you keep telling yourself, it’s this story, it’s this horrible feeling you have. I want you to start noticing those moments, those seconds, those days, whatever it is, when you don’t have that. When “bad self esteem” or when “self hatred” doesn’t come into your day, it doesn’t even come into your mind. Notice that, and I want you to write about it. I want you to journal about it, I want you to write a story about your day. “I got up today and I felt good, and here’s what I did.” I want you to change the story you’re telling yourself. So we’re gonna start focusing on those times when that self hatred, that disgust, that low confidence, that whatever it is, comes in, I want you to notice the times when it’s not there. Let’s start focusing on that, because something interesting that happens in our minds; the more that we focus on those positive stories, those positive experiences that we have, the less fequent we have those bad ones. And I would encourage you, if you find that your days are getting really, really bad, then let’s make up a day. Let’s start writing about a day when it didn’t happen. It doesn’t have to have happened. We’re just telling a story, about ourselves, our perfect day. And I want to start thinking in the positive, and I know it’s slow at the start, and it’s hard, and it’s almost like we’re a cartoon character, where we’re like “I’m going, I’m going,” but then, we take off. And it’s so much easier, and we’ll find that the more we try to focus on the positive, and the less on the negative, we’ll start to feel better, we’ll start to be more confident. Things will be brighter, clouds will be puffier, skies will be bluer. It’ll be really exciting, and I promise you, it will help, and for any of you who’ve gone through this, or have tips and tricks, or things that help brighten your day, maybe– I know you guys get texts sent to you of positive quotes and things like that–share your tips below. And don’t forget to like the video. We wanna make sure we share this. If you can share this, share the link. You know the little link of the video that goes below this, that has all those weird letters and numbers, share it, let’s help spread awareness. Help people know that they’re not alone in how they’re feeling. And if you find yourself seeking a supportive community, hop on katimorton.com, cause there’s tons of people there to support and love one another. And I’m also on twitter, I’m on tumblr, I’m on instagram, I’m on google plus, I’m on facebook, I’m all over the place. So if you’re looking for a supportive community, I’ve got one in every possible social media place you could ever desire. So keep checking back, don’t forget to subscribe, and let’s work together towards a healthy mind, and a healthy body. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 thoughts on “Self-Hatred & How To Deal with it! Mental Health Help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

  1. I like the idea of creatively writing about a more ideal day and what I think that may be like. Even just thinking about it without having even written a word gives me an increased sense of elation. Wonderful, thanks!

  2. I have social anxiety for over ten years now, beginning with age 13. It got a lot better now, I have lots of social contacts even though most of them are pretty trivial. I realized that the main problem isn't the anxiety tho. It's the self hatred. I am very convinced that I am not loveworthy and a bad person. Everyone would argue with me about that, as I come off as this very kind girl. But I build a construct of proof around this picture I have of myself.
    Almost every social interaction is like an act for me. I feel as if I play a role every time hoping that they won't see the 'real' me, boring, unlovable, stupid, hypocratic, mean, egoistic and egocentric, shallow etc. I don't even know how to play myself anymore. Some days it works out and I'm happy that I made a good impression. Other days I got the feeling that their oppinion tends to seeing me as a weird person. That they are hoping to avoid any contact with me. And I feel shattered. Everything hurts, only by sensing some kind of rejection, or by overthinking all the embarrassing and weird things I've said and done.
    Sometimes it feels like a nightmare. All this time wasted, being alone or thinking about who I am, what I seem to be, how other people think about me.
    Ah, it's a dark path.

  3. For me it's both. Sometimes I have not been able to escape the negative because it was coming from family or work. Then when someone does support me or compliments me I no longer believe them. After years of abuse as a child it's very difficult for me to feel any self worth.

  4. I have alot of self hatrid coz my brother is a parimedick and my sister is a teacher . And both my brother and sister r married with kids . Then thers me whos on the pip coz i have very bad epilepsy and im dislexick. Im single and lonly and im nothing but a stupid cabbage . Ive no brain .

  5. It is hard to stay positive every day especially when life only offers hurt after hurt after hurt. But if we are gloomy most of the time and only think about our sad past, we might possibly miss the opportunity to change something about our lives. Opportunities to change are everywhere, it only takes putting a smile on my face once in a while and slowly doing that more steadily and more convincingly

  6. It's usually when I have texted someone and don't get an immediate response. I am in constant fear of getting rejected and that people will hate me and judge me. And if one person do that; I typically think the other persons in my life will do the same.

    The worst part is that occansionally people really do get mad at me. Sometimes I really do magange to upset and provoce people and I frequently get rejected. The worst feeling is one I know that I have done somehing that was less than optimal, but I had no control over my behviour at that particular moment when things happened. That makes me extremely vulnerable and creates lots of anxiety, guilt and shame.

  7. I always insult myself in some ways when these memories comes up where I felt like I did something wrong. One day, I decided that I wanted to stop these horrible feelings because why do I want to keep beating myself down when I can be be happier? To me, it's a choice. These self-loathing still comes now and then but I always tell myself that it's alright. It's in the past, let's move on. I don't feel negative all the time so it's a great improvement in my life ^.^

  8. I find your videos helpful and they give me some hope. Ive recently found some friends who have brought my lack of confidence and self esteem to my attention and have hit a point where I understand I need help. Lack of understanding of my resources or where I can go to get help has been a problem. Ill admit that fear has also prevented my seeking out treatment. Sparing the details, what are my options on a budget? Where are some of the best places to go regardless of budget? Can you possibly either make a video or discuss some of the options people have? How to take the proper steps to get there? Break some of the stigma surrounding seaking treatment such as what is my boss entitled to know? A link to certain state laws that is also a credible resources? I don't mean to ask so much, but I thought itd be worth a shot to try.

  9. #KatiFAQ, how do I not do homework at the last minute? It seems like it’s really hard to get my homework done the last minute!😀

  10. Self hatred doesn’t necessarily mean you have low self esteem. Please don’t confuse the two. It’s like saying bipolar and bisexual at the san thing.

  11. I’m trapped….everything triggers me…have 5 kids…a fiancé ….should be happy…adhd , bipolar and multiple personality disorder which I think is now called borderline personality disorder are what I was recently diagnosed with. My normal is depressed…not just regular depressed….never ending …I have a great deal of disgust alway because of the burden my diagnosis has had on my family….nothing is working and it’s more than exhausting. I’ll be focused on nothing but the feeling is there still , I’ve isolated myself while still caring for my children….it’s not looking even okay …it’s been so long 😰

  12. I started hitting myself as hard as I can in the head and face recently. I only stop once I'm either dizzy or throwing up.

    I should have been fucking aborted

  13. nobody understands how much I hate myself to constantly deny myself something I know I need to survive. every time I look in the mirror I cry because I hate what i see I hate my everything i hate the way I act the way I sound and I can't change it. i just want to die I hate myself so much

  14. I really hate myself
    I feel i cant explan it enough
    When i have fun or feel happy i feel bad
    I dont want anything good to happen to me
    I just wanna die

  15. Yeah it must be easy for you to say as a white woman. You will NEVER understand the struggles of being a short, unattractive, ethnic male. I can’t take you seriously.

  16. I’ve been trying to loose weight and I’m falling in to a dark whole of not giving this medication to loose weight so maybe I’ll love my self one day

  17. Mine is I'm not performing well
    The thought what is wrong with me
    I like how you say tell ourselves a good positive story

  18. It all stems from childhood. A love deprived childhood, u grow older, thinking that, being unloved is love!!

  19. I fucking hate myself , so fucking much , and I hate when I finally open up to someone and tell them how much I hate myself and they don't believe me..

  20. I hate myself. Every day since I was probably in sixth grade. It feels like realism rather than positive vs negative. I realize I am slow. I am dumb. I am incompetent at everything I have ever tried. I am not good enough. I deserve to suffer for living a life better than I should have. I have no friends. Everyone I love I let down and they leave. I am a failure. This is what my self hatred sounds like. It feels like a mantra, a chant, a meditation. It's my normal day.

  21. My self hatred started when I first did self harm because I felt dumb,stupid not perfect lots of other personal reasons about my family my parents are not together then something worse happened my best best friend started to tell me that I'm ugly I'm fat I'm not smart then… I did self harm again I threw the shampoo bottle on the ground and broke the lid then I made a sharp spot then I started to cut my myself. I felt so bad a few days later my friend that is calling me these names told me that I was lesbian and I was a boy because I had short hair and she would always say "hey do you know where the ugly face is" she said to me then she touched my face " oh there it is your face" then she started laughing I didn't feel like laughing anymore with her stupid sense of humour to tell someone that and bring them down with you but I did laugh bc I did'nt want to make her sad then after that I said to her Don't call me that I don't like what you are doing but she would never listen then I told my dad about my problem, he said he was going to talk to her mom but I thought she would never change

  22. I find myself doing the first thing often, for example, I stay off certain forums I used to browse on reddit that are prone to attracting mean-spirited commenters that just make me sad and angry about the state of the world. Similarly, some podcasts I used to listen to have such a negative tone that I don't listen to them anymore either, even if I still find them funny/entertaining because they just bring my overall mood down.

  23. I have been living with self hatred all my life and I often find mental health tips to be a paradox. Trying to cure mental illness while being mentally ill. The mind wins every time. And if you succeed in curing yourself, were you ever mentally ill?

  24. I hate myself when I see truly good people. I have failed god too much and have only myself to blame. Sometimes I scare myself at how spiteful and apathetic I've been. This world is so full of evil and chaos, yet instead of using that knowledge to better myself, I self loathe and judge people like I'm some fat fucking all knowing sage. Let me please use this piece of cyberspace to let the world know I'm sorry.

  25. When you’re ugly as I am it’s really hard to have self confidence or self respect I hate everything about me.

  26. My boyfriend keeps saying I’m pretty, adorable, beautiful etc but I don’t really see how so my friend made me promise that I would stop hating myself and here I am

  27. This is my emergency video. I recognized that i‘m talking bad to myself and seeked especially this video. I watch it and now I can get to sleep without obsessing negatively about myself. Thank you Katie!

  28. Hi Kati! You talk often about 1. noticing the negative self talk 2. talking back to them, but afaik usually mentioning this within a longer video. Not sure if there is a dedicated video about how to stop the negative thinking patterns – especially related to self-hate. Do you plan to make one for people who like to revisit your good reminders in a targeted manner?
    I know you are on a break now, wishing you a nice rest, but I hope you will see my message after!

  29. Over a whole decade and a few years of hating myself and hating what I looked at every day, I found a friend and she helped me appreciate beauty from the world, whenever I’m close to breaking it’s easier to look outside and calm down, it doesn’t always work and sometimes it’s bad… and that’s it

  30. i just feel so heavy on my chest and i wanna cry so much, everything i do makes me cringe and i can't seem to let any of it go.

  31. I hide myself in reading books. Books are my only friends, isnt that lovely ? My bookcase is full and dont know where to put the new books I get to read. Anyone else tries to find something to do because have no friends ?

  32. Unfortunately some things are immutable, that because they are, feeling better about yourself isn't an option.

  33. Everyone tells me I should love myself but what if I can't see anything in myself that is worth loving? I can't just make myself feel something I absolutely do not. I don't deserve kindness from myself or anyone else. Love must be earned. There are seven billion people on the planet, humans are a dime a dozen. A single life means nothing, especially not mine. I've done nothing to improve anything, I'm a waste of resources. So many more deserving of existence.

  34. Existence for me is like a cigarette, burn and smoke the shit out of it then put it out. These videos make me want death even more because of exploitation of depression you have on shirts and coffee mugs. But on the other hand, at least someone's talking about it.

  35. I lived with a self narration of my (currently on pause) girlfriend would leave me becasue I was not enough of a man to please and bring joy to my past life mate. She broke my heart and had sex three times with three different men throughout a ten year marriage and then, she had met her last boyfriend and i found out via facebook chat. He messages me and asks if she was available. This messed with me because i gave in and said "no we are not" after she plead to keep him in her life because that was the love of her life. Now, fast forward about two weeks into this ordeal, she was still there and not caring about anything but herself, this boy sent her flowers, a mold ur penis and candies to hold her over until they met.

    Now, fast forward five years later…… I met the most beautiful women inside and out. We had sparks and soon enough we progressed to dating, meeting parents and friends network. All was good, until there was a miscommunication that made me feel like she broke up with me. (long story short, her friend, that was trying to help said something that I felt was a break up, on my boo's cell, so i thought in all reality it was her.) After this, my mindset was "when is the other boot going to drop" "she left me now, she will like my ex did" "I am not sexually enacquitted to keep her interested in me" and so much others.

    And now fast forward to the present….. We are on pause and I was left wanting. Wanting to learn and overcome this pain of my past and internal self hate. To show self care and self love. For, I projected my self hate to the relationship and she naturally withdrew to save her her sanity.

    I'm found looking within these days, it's hard to admit that I messed up and this is the hardest because it requires to me address my internal process and stop so much…… Instead of reaction to emotions I am learning my emotions, judgments.

    I have hope that I can and will become the man that will push past this now, she and I are talking still. More reserved and understandable. I have some work to do inside me. I am understanding I have growth to do internal before I an date once more. I am starting to see my self hate and inside my mind at night during the dark times I hug myself in my mind because I keep seeing my ex begging me to not mess up her relationship she has built.

    This is me, vulnerable and open. To share and hopefully other can build from my mistakes and become more wise.

  36. I feel like a complete failure. I suck at doing basic tasks, no one wants to hang out with me because I just suck at attending school / doing hw. I’m so behind that it makes me feel ill and I’m so overwhelmed and I feel so alone, despite having a wonderful partner who makes me feel special. At school I feel like everyone neglects me & just sees me as the gal who can’t do the bare minimum

  37. Mam thank u so much for sharing this peice of information.. udk but u jst sitting at one place ND preaching or rather giving us alternatives for a better life can contribute in clearing up the mess that we r in.. thanks again .

  38. i used to look in the mirror and say u r nothing nobody cares for u bu that is starting to fade away since i wached this video it helped me allot this mornin i saw my self in the mirror and said to myself you mean something and i smiled for the first in weeks

  39. For me Kati is starts every with the task of getting dressed and then throughout the day, mirrors, going to the bathroom, washing.

  40. thank you! you look so genuine and passionate, i really had a bad day and being self hatred 24/7, thank you again for making me feel better be positive!

  41. This is something that I need to work on and overcome. I would be depressed and hate myself thinking since birth that I would have thing good in life and if I do it automatically disappears. I must gain self-compassion and realize that I deserve to attract good things in my life and lasts a lifetime.

  42. I feel that my self hated came originally from external sources, people saying your dumb, your ugly, all you ever do is F*** up! This happened to me from even elementary school, then middle school, and high-school, it has happened so long that I feel like it snuck its way into my everyday life, I'll ask a question and no one responds, I'll just think, shut up they don't care why did you even ask, just be quiet no one cares. I'll just sit there quietly telling myself I'm no good, I'm not worth peoples time, why bother. I hope that whoever reads this know that they aren't alone, people have trouble too, please ask for help weather its online, a friend or even family.

  43. I hate myself because I AM. There is no obvious reason and i dont believe that giving myself a positive story would help. I either feel neutral or bad. Even though i force myself to tell myself positive things i always go back to hating myself.

  44. It doesn't fucking help when u are what u should avoid and having your life be a series of horrible shit

  45. This world is weird. You feel like you want to die, but you can’t. That’s the torture. You can’t let yourself go because there are things tying you down.

  46. My self-hate is always triggered by doing things, i start to do something, i do it wrong/not good enought and i know i do EVERYTHING wrong, so I stop do things, only sleep is what dont make me hate myself more

  47. Whole my life I had one girlfriend… And all the time I hated 😠 this relationship because her ex was a hot strong most desirable man in whole city……

    Compared to him I'm a spec of dust. ..

    I feel she has a lot of memories with that young boy..

    And misses him who knows 💔

  48. Am currently going to therapy and it’s helping me so much. Your channel has been a great supplementary resource for me to keep the suggestions fresh in my mind. Thank you so much Kati! Love your work. 🙂

  49. I'm on very high depression,and it's a long term one …to the point that my soul actually hates the body it fits inside…and I just take revenge from myself…but I will never suicide I will face all these troubles just to become stronger…and I'm seeking for help from myself more than others..just to become able to fix myself by my own so that in my future breakdowns I win by my own…but I'm sure the more we live the more we get problems and they become even harder day by day while we're still alive…it's just destiny…

  50. I think i am so messed up. Never did anything "bad", but I told so many lies to just make myself look better when I actually failed. I am constantly trying to make up things, trying to make things right while hating myself for my incompetence and laziness. Then it comes to a point that you just give everything up again and tell more lies to make yourself look less pathetic. I know this is gonna come to a very very bad end. One day I will be confronted by all the people I love and they will know that I am just a piece of lazy pathetic shit that doesn't deserve anything good. Above is my toxic thought that haunts me everyday…I know this is not the entire truth but I can't help to think myself that way.

  51. Some part of me wants to feel good about how I look or how I come across to others, but I fear not being humble or real with myself. Logically, I know that if I’m feelin' myself or I’m confident one day, that doesn’t make me arrogant or an immoral person, but emotionally, I put myself down for those few moments of self love. I’ve never quite come to terms with that before, so Kati, I thank you for your channel. In this short video, I learned how beneficial it is to cherish my moments of self appreciation, and tackle my internal insecurities. But further yet, you have helped me to understand the value of therapy as a tool to break those hurtful cycles of thought we all have.

  52. I feep like if i hate myself im doing it for attention but then I realize that I do hate myself. Then the cycle repeats and it makes me hate myself even more.

  53. The only reason i smile is to make sure things dont go awkward… other than that i think i lost something from inside and i cant pay price for happiness..

  54. I feel unwanted, but I also feel pathetic and self pittying when I think negitivly, which makes me feel guilty…..and hate myself more. Its a cycle, a maudlin cycle.

  55. What I do whenever I feel down is that instead of pointing out flaws of your body start thinking about the good things you've got.. that's my way of feeling better 🙂

  56. I kept breaking done in hysteric tears and having tons of mood swings during work and my inside thoughts became so drastic that I could not function mentally at work. I quit my job immediately, took time off went broke, got a job that was physically demanding, that released endorphines and now I am much happier! I have been noticing that I have depressive episodes at least once a year and that can get so bad that I physically cannot get out of bed. It turns into sleeping 16 hours a day and takes a toll on the loving people around me. I either have super highs or super lows, when I am in between in its usually when I am not thinking about anything specific and I am working and don't think about anything else. My mind wanders when it comes to important things and even everyday conversation. Someone would talk to me and one word might trigger something and I would loose focus of the conversation altogether and sometimes I would be so distracting thinking about a memory or idea that the word triggered that I forget or don't realize that I am at the specific location having a conversation let alone the person I am talking to. This "spacing out" moment has always been with me through out my life it has just become so often it can happen multiple times in a conversation that I have to kind of yell at myself in my head-"focus Amanda, stay focus, focus" then start to repeat in my mind what the person was saying after they say it to get back on the cconversation. I would also be distracted by the surrounding environment, ex: that girl has curly hair, there is brown dog there, oh he is chewing gum, I can see his freckles, the light turned and the car went right I wonder if that was the way hhewas supposed to go, maybe he is going home, what time should I go home, probably 8-shoot I am having a conversation what was being said. Then I would try to piece the conversation back by words I may have heard when I was distracted. I can have issues with keeping things neat and tidy in specific locations outside of my home and I would organize multiple times a week even a day but when I get home there is just so much that is overwhelming that I don't do anything to organize, when I do it is usually when I am so angry or upset and I get irritable that I will get mad when anything touches me which also happens when my environment is hot or hummid, I will have angry out bursts and everything that touches me makes me angry. And that is not even half of things I go through…. Sorry I needed the vent moment just now

  57. I'm so confused. I'm lost. I dont feel like I'm in control of my life. I hate myself, and even my friends dont like me. My dad told me he doesnt love me anymore a few weeks ago, I'll never forget it. I want to kill myself but I cant, I just cant, because the thought of what it would do to my mum and my sister just hurts me so much, it makes it so much worse. I just want to be liked by other people. I know I come across as a bit of a cunt when I'm around people, but I really dont meant to. I try to be nice but I just come across the complete opposite. I hate it. I dont understand. I'm just so confused and scared and I want to die to escape, but I want to live as well, to try to make something of myself. I'm not built for this and it makes me so so so, so sad

  58. I’ve had and still both internal along with external self-loathing along with hatred. I have a platform I've started. #SelfHatred #ImSayingThisWithSincerity

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