Reagan Myers – “Depression Is Funny Like That”


This week I sat in an autozone parking lot and cried for 10 minutes straight because I couldn’t change a headlight Which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine right one where the joke is always on me like, haha I ate half a bag of pretzel and Em’s at 11:30 in the morning in bed Or I’ve watched the pilot of Gossip Girl ten times in the past two weeks because I keep falling asleep Halfway through because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes My headlight went out my first thought was seems right I couldn’t change it by myself because I’d have to take off a whole bumper or something I thought of course or I wish I was dead Being this kind of sad is funny that way no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience It’s all the end of the world or might as well be my brain is dramatic like that. Depression is a silent film A monologue shot underwater Depression is sulking because I won’t talk to it anymore by which I mean about it There are some days when I am so sad I don’t remember what it’s like not to be like when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose and you’re so sure you’ll never breathe through your Nose again, and I’m so sure I will never feel joy again Except when you have a cold you can call and sick to work and people tell you to get well soon and there’s a whole soup genre dedicated to your well-being I can’t call in sad to work can’t go to the grocery store and go to the sad aisle Which would only have like already stale popcorn and tea your best friend swears is good for you. So Sometimes all I can do is laugh. If I don’t there might be nothing left There’s a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platte River And I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often it’s become a permanent imprint in my thigh I’m here because I’ve been sad since graduation not this one the one before that or maybe I have a bad cold Or maybe it’s both but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes If I get out I have to be a person again Have to put on clothes put lotion on my legs a bowl of cereal at least Take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back I’m so tired of talking about my depression as someone else a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance Afraid of what it might want from me. My depression doesn’t ask for much But when it does it’s something I cannot give and that’s the joke. It’s just me asking for something I cannot give I asked to come back to my body and it’s only me saying no When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking where I’ve gone. I’m driving down a dirt road No headlights when it curves I will not know just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio Telling me there is no place for me here

100 thoughts on “Reagan Myers – “Depression Is Funny Like That”

  1. "There are some days I am so sad I don’t remember what it’s like not to be"

    "My depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that’s the joke, it’s just me asking for something I cannot give. I ask to come back to my body and it’s only me saying no."……like damnnnnn

  2. Wow i know all of these things so damn well. I wish she didnt have to feel it to. This war inside rages everyday. Yet i have no choice but to hide it the best that i can. Simply because this world doesnt understand. Somedays i dont understand either.

  3. I have never struggled with depression, or been close to somebody who has. But it seems like a very difficult fight… I cannot imagine how to deal with depression and stuff every single day. I mean, I get depressed, we all do, but I and most other people have the benefit of bouncing back to our feet once we have some time to recuperate, relax, take time for ourselves…

    To anyone out there fighting the right against depression: I wish you all the kindness and light and happiness and hope and strength and power and motivation in the universe. I want you to feel okay. And every part of my heart is hoping that you will someday, near or far, feel okay.

  4. I am now turning to drugs, prescription but drugs nonetheless. Those and benadryl to sleep because sleep is a rest from all my thoughts and feelings.

  5. And then you ask for help and only deal with doctors that blame you, and they're your only option doctor wise because that's all you can afford. "Get help" everyone says. Ok, then what? No one thinks about that. No one.

  6. Depression is the worst thing i have ever been through in my life. And kids at my school joke about it and say they have it.. and it makes me distressed. And i just want to punch them in the face.. but of course i cant.

  7. It was me.. last few years. Not few. A lot of them. But at the moment? I'm out of it. Depression is far away for now. It will probably come back, but I will cherich every day till it does knowing I can and will make it go away when it hits again.

    So everyone reading IT WILL GET BETTER, HOLD ON. KEEP GOING. NEVER STOP FIGHTING. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    btw.. I love the poem, but am afraid it romanticizes depression.. or it might do it for some people and that's bad..
    what i found helped me the most was when I got angry. real angry, because I didn't deserve this horrible illness that was trying to kill me. I'm a good person and I did every thing I could to cure me. I started from the beginnig. I made every single thing enjoyable or at least I tried. I used the best toothbrush I could buy, made my own toothpaste. Made breakfest I deserved every day.. had luxury baths… Sometimes it would take a whole day to just get out of the bed and clean my teeth. Nothing else was done but at least what I did I did with love for myself. I have no idea if this helpes anyone… everyone is different. Spo.. JUST KEEP ON FIGHTING.

  8. My depression is now asking simply for me. For me to cease to be. Its a call i cannot answer yet cannot ignore. What its asking of me simply is becoming harder to resist. There will come a day i fear i will give in for here i dont belong

  9. "I can't call in sad to work "

    This is me, my depression and anxiety worsen when I moved to my current job, I want to resign but I don't even know what to tell my manager, "My job is making me depress that's why I'm leaving", ha

  10. My depression is constantly making jokes about how I want to die or about my sadness and laughing like I didn’t mean it so my friends don’t ask what’s wrong because I honestly don’t know myself, my depression is constantly covered with fake happiness so when I tell someone I’m sad they think I’m lying because I’m normally so happy, my depression is telling someone I’m fine then hoping they would realize it’s a lie, my depression is telling people I’m cutting but when they ask why I tell them it’s nothing, my depression doesn’t know what it is, I have a therapist but I lie to her so much that she thinks it’s just a bit of sadness that owns my body, i tell so many lies I don’t even know what the truth is anymore

  11. After this I was sobbing. I’ve slowed it down so I could type. Oh my god this girl explained my life.

  12. People Don’t Want to Kill Themselves They Just Don’t Know How to Kill the Pain!!!!!!!!!

    Every Thunderstorm Runs Out of Rain!!!!!!

  13. "no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, its all the end of the world, or might as well be"

    It's really like that. You can't get what you want one time, maybe you wanted cola, but there's only sprite, and now you're on the floor sobbing about how unfair life is and it's not you being overdramatic, its you feeling so much pain that even the smallest touch hurts all over. You wanted to call your best friend at 3pm on a saturday, but she was asleep, now you're going to die because shes all you have but now shes ignoring you. You wanted popcorn but your cousin got the last bag and maybe they did that because you don't deserve to eat anymore. Life isnt fair all the time but all the time starts to feel like every moment of every day. That what it feels like to me

  14. When my sister and I talk about suicide, we laugh. Like, what else should we do? We have cried so much, the only thing we can do about it in the moments when we feel happy is laugh.

  15. “My headlight went out, my first thought was.. seems right. I couldn’t change it by myself because I thought i’d have to take off the whole bumper or something, and I thought, of course, or… I wish I was dead”

  16. This week I sat in an auto zone parking lot and cried for ten minutes because I couldn’t change a head light, which sounds like a lead up to a terrible stand-up routine, right? One where the joke is always on me? Like, haha, I ate half a bag of pretzel m&ms at 11:30 in the morning IN BED or, I watched the pilot of Gossip Girl ten times in the past two weeks because I keep falling asleep half way through because being sad is a goddamn joke sometimes.

    My headlight went out and my first thought was “seems right.” I couldn’t change it myself because I’d have to take off the whole bumper or something and I thought “of course” or “I wish I was dead.”  Being this kind of sad is funny that way, no inconvenience is a minor inconvenience, it’s all the end of the world or might as well be, my brain is dramatic like that.

    Depression is a silent film, a monologue shot underwater, depression is sulking because I won’t talk to it anymore, by which I mean ABOUT it. There are some days I am so sad I don’t remember what it’s like not to be, like when you have a bad cold and you forget how to breathe through your nose and you’re so sure you’ll never breathe through your nose again and I’m so sure I’ll never feel joy again.

    Except when you have a cold you can call in sick to work, and people tell you to get well soon, and there is a whole soup genre dedicated your well-being.  I can’t call in “sad” to work. I can’t go to the grocery store and go to the “sad aisle” which would have like already stale popcorn and tea which your best friend swears is good for you.

    So sometimes all I can do is laugh, if I don’t, there might be nothing left. There’s a crack in my bathtub in the shape of the Platt river, and I know this because I sit on the floor of my shower so often it’s become a permanent imprint in my thigh.

    I’m here because I’ve been sad since graduation, not this one the one before that, or maybe I have a bad cold, or maybe it’s both, but the cold makes the most sense for sympathy purposes.

    If I get out, I have to be a person again. Have to put on clothes, put lotion on my legs, eat a bowl of cereal at least, take care of this terrible body that refuses to take care of me back.  I’m so tired of talking about my depression as someone else, a ghost that haunts me and I am afraid of the seance, afraid of what it might want from me.

    My depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it is something I cannot give and that’s the joke, it’s just me asking for something I cannot give.  I ask to come back to my body and it’s only me saying no.

    When people ask me how I am they might as well be asking me where I’ve gone. I”m driving down a dirt road, no headlights, when it curves I will not know, just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio telling me “there is no place for me here.”

  17. “I’m driving down a dirt road, no headlights when it curves I will not know just drive on into the field my own voice playing on the radio telling me ‘there is no place for me here’”

  18. Once I got so sad over nothing that,
    it seemed overnight, I was mad.
    Plain as day, but the source of my anger, a well deep inside,
    Taking so much control and killing my sight.

    Then I stopped and looked myself in all clarity,
    With winter winds screaming its threats behind me.
    I looked above to the dull gray skies
    That laughed mockingly at my plight
    In its sickening delight
    And I did something peculiar…
    To those darned dark skies and the dullness polished anew in these tear-stained eyes,
    I smiled in defiance at these thoughts so reviled,
    and told myself I'd be happy, so long as I desired.

    Then, it was as if I'd woken up, my lies I told myself and this depression I called me
    dissipated in the blink of an eye.

    It wasn't gone, still there,
    but suddenly I was going uphill,
    climbing towards a far-gone height.
    Sometimes, I stop and take a look back upon this trek I've made,
    Up and down these perilous flights.
    And I smile again.

    I'm tired sometimes,
    But it's okay.
    One day I'll have scaled this mountain,
    Even if it's not today.

  19. You nailed depression on the head. Well said pretty lady. Well said.Thank you very much. That is how a depressed person really feels.

  20. During this whole thing i thought, Wow..i didn't think ANYONE could explain how i felt..how i feel. But this is EXACTLY how i feel, it's almost like my mind has been put into words

  21. What is the most annoying thing is when someone goes “im here for you” and when you need them they aren’t and they never will be

  22. No worries for depression
    Here is a solid way for your way out;
    Olive oil and tomatoes
    Grene chili and 5 minutes
    3 eggs and 3 minutes
    A girl, sunny day and fresh bread.

    Day light, summer and some water.

    “ ı dont know the others but breakfeast must be related with hapiness”

  23. I felt this way too fucking much as I listen to this from my bed, on a day I am “supposed” to be at work but had to tell my boss I got food poisoning instead because my heart can’t handle it today

  24. I’m dealing with anxiety and depression and it’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever experienced my mind mentally hurts from putting up with it so much I can feel my brai throbbing from all the problems and loneliness I push aside

  25. Hi Keep doing what you do!! its good to share how we feel, think! its good to let it all out!! your a good poet! I live in the uk! Ive just started out again! I hope one day to go to an open mic some day! your doing a good job!! 😊

  26. Dear Mental Health, I blame a lot of things on you… I'm not really sure why. I don't see the point. No one believes you exist.

  27. When she said "like when you have a bad cold and cant breath through your nose and your so sure you never will again". I felt that. Cus a have a really stuffed up nose right now 😂😂😂😂

  28. So I’m a teenage girl. I can’t have depression cause if I say how I feel people laugh and say same. I can’t be sad. I have to love it when people talk about each other. I have to love it when people hate on the friends they’ve had their entire lives. I have to love all the hate in the world. A week ago I laughed my real laugh. A laugh that I haven’t heard since I started middle school. For one day I was happy. On day in three years. But if I say anything people will just laugh and say same.

  29. Honestly people now a days don't know what depression is to other people…
    My friend has depression and in the 5th grade she started cutting herself everyone in that grade found out and you wanna know what other people called her they called her a attention seeker and the thing is that's not ok they don't know what she is going through… 2 years later it has been getting better for her…
    But little did she know I was going through the same thing and I hid it from her I didn't want to tell her in the 5th grade cuz I didn't want her to worry about me when she was going through things to but I started doing the same thing as she did…. I started cutting myself and I started starving myself cuz I thought my body size was bad because of all the girls in my school they are all skinny and perfect… When she found out I was cutting myself she stopped talking to me for a while…. So I let her have her space she came back but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person that felt lonely with a crowd of people.
    When my parents found out I stopped we eating my dad yelled at me and told me to stop doing stupid shit and stop being so damn stupid yeah i know he is looking after me but that still hurt. I feel like a disappointment when I get bad grades even though I tried so hard but yet my siblings get perfect grade without trying.

  30. I dont know whats worse. Feeling lost in the chaos of your sadness, so desperate to feel happy again you feel like you wanna tear your heart out. Or, so numb that you wish logic would stop telling you to keep caring, losing your mind, bit by bit, and not knowing when you became so.. alien. so disconnected from the world, you start not being able to even remember what you had for breakfast, not feeling happy or sad when everyone else is.

  31. There are so many hurt people in the comments. And then I realized that this video is two years old already and it makes me want to ask all the people if they're okay.

  32. “afraid of what it might want from me, my depression doesn’t ask for much but when it does it’s something i cannot give”

    oh mood

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