mental illness & dating (w/ my boyfriend!)


Hi, I’m Ashton and today we’re going to talk
about dating when you’re mentally ill, I suppose and I have a friend for this. (jack screams) A: you’re awful, they’re gonna
hate you already. J: hello, I’m jack, Ashton’s boyfriend and
dater of people with mental illnesses, specifically this one. A: thaaanks (laughs) no. how do you deal with it when I have anxiety
attacks I guess, sometimes when we’re in public I get anxious? J: for moments like that it’s really just
a simple, yknow, recognizing that this is a person in
need of help and in need of comfort and so… and so when moments like that happen, um it’s
really just sort of natural instinct to try to comfort you. A: yeah but some people are not really good
at it. Like when you have a panic attack, the last
thing you want is people crowding around you. J: I think that you trust me enough or you’re
comfortable enough around me that when it’s just me it doesn’t really bother you if I
get close. A: no, having you around when I’m having attacks
is fine, but like when something happens and it brings a lot of attention to me, and there’s
more people than just you, it’s not good. I think just knowing what your partner needs
in a time like that is good. After the time at marching band when I had
that panic attack, I let you know I have meds and sometimes I’m not able to get at them
and you’ve helped me with that before. Just having conversations with your partner
about your mental health is good. J: I would say that if you are in a situation
like that, where your partner is going through an anxiety attack or could potentially be
about to have one, and you maybe don’t have access to meds like we did that one time,
constantly giving them positivity and calmness A: don’t panic about them panicking. J: yeah, don’t panic about them panicking. I just sort of… I don’t even A: the dog is drinking out of
the toilet. BEAU!! My dog has come to join us too apparently. That’s toilet water you don’t want him licking
you. J: ew. A: beau. beau! go lay down please. anyway. Aside from anxiety, um… You deal with my OCD really well. you’ve never minimized it or said like, “why
don’t you just not do that?” J: well partially because I understand, cause
I get obsessive about things. and sometimes even compulsive about things. A: I think you have some subset of OCD. J: hi, undiagnosed crowd! No, i totally understand that… it’s just
an understanding that Both: BEAU! J: Beau is such a camera hog. it’s just understanding
for me it’s just understanding that this is something that you may not always understand,
and this holds true for dating you as a trans person A: that’s a different video Jack. J: okay, okay, it’s a different video! spoilers! A: he has separation anxiety. J: this is an official diagnosis, Ashton’s
dog has separation anxiety. A: and also with depression, I do have a harder
time being away from you than other people might. J: yeah, yeah. but I, again, I understand
that. basically the advice, the principal advice
that I give to anyone that is going to date a person or anyone who is romantically involved
in any way, or even not romantically involved, A: you just keep getting more and more vague. J: when dating a person that has a mental
illness, I would say that the two primary things that you need are just patience and
understanding. A: or understanding that you may not always
understand. J: yeah. let’s not get too deep here. Understanding that your partner is going through
something that is really beyond their control and possibly sometimes even beyond anyone’s
control, and just knowing that that’s something that they have to live with and that you have
to live with, you may not be able to completely eliminate it, but you being there for them
can potentially help make it better. A: something that’s actually really important
that I wanted to talk about is that sometimes when people are dating people with mental
illnesses, the person without them will get mad that they still have it. like “i thought dating you would cure your
depression, Jack. I can’t believe you still have depression
even though I’m dating you. that should obviously cure it.” J: want me to get into character now?) A: no I’m kidding. J: I’ll find that character, just give me
a minute. A: he’s an actor, he’s an actor, he acts. J: no no no. Ashton’s an artist. A: jack’s a thespian. JACK’S A LESBIAN! J: ash is an artist, he arts. A: they know that! having a partner with a
mental illness won’t make it go away. like it could help, but the partner without
it has to understand that their partnership isn’t going to dissipate everything that’s
wrong. J: but as I said before, it can, can, not
will, it can, make things better. like I’ve noticed since I started dating you
the number of times that you’ve texted me about just being depressed or texting me when
you’re feeling kind of almost feeling suicidal, A: I rarely feel suicidal anymore. J: yeah that rarely happens anymore A: that’s
multiple factors, it’s you and other things. J: and you’ve been – and ashton’s been seeing
his therapist, to some degree been on medication A: uhh no, I’m on medication. J: a lot of the time though, it seems like
when I’m with you or even when I’m not with you, my presence takes the role almost of
a comfort object. A: haha yeah, I wouldn’t call you an object
but… J: nonono like would you say that that analogy
is accurate? A: yes. you are comfortable to lay on top of. Everyone’s mental illnesses are different
like everyone’s mental health is different, but for me my depression mainly kicks in when
I don’t have a distraction. When I’m not distracted, when I’m not invested
in something, when I’m bored or lonely, then I’ll get like major waves of depression. and I feel like that’s true to some degree
for everyone, but because I have y’know mental chemical imbalances for me it’s much more
severe, and I… like my default emotion is depression, is what I’m saying. And you’re like the complete opposite of that
for me. you’re cute. J: you’re cute! A: um, is that all? is there anything you
wanted to talk about? J: a word of caution to my advice I gave before
about being patient and being okay with mental illness, just know that that does not equal
complacency. Because if you’re dating someone who has,
say, an eating disorder, being patient about it does not mean that you A: let them harm
themselves. J: yeah, that you let them starve. but like, for you sometimes you have trouble
being motivated enough to eat. A: yeah, or take a shower or change, get out
of bed. J: it’s gotten to the point where I can y’know
usually give you a little nudge like cmon ash, you have to shower, you have to eat. usually that’s good. But don’t take that to the extent of forcing
them to eat, obviously. Like all things in life, don’t take my words
to the extreme. There’s a middle ground. A: there’s also sometimes you do have to go
against their wishes, if I were extremely suicidal, and I was telling you don’t tell
anyone, I don’t wanna go to the hospital, but I was threatening to kill myself, you’d
tell someone, you’d have to. I’ve done that for people before, people have
done that for me. You have to listen to what they say, but if
they’re saying things that you know could harm them or other people, then you do have
to get them serious medical help whether that’s taking them to an emergency room or telling
their parents so they can take them. J: I suppose a more accurate version of my
statement would be: be patient and understanding, with their best interest in mind. A: yeah. J: keep their safety and their well-being
in mind. and that’s a general rule for all humans. all seven billion of you out there. by the way, if seven billion of you are watching
this, subscribe! A: jack you’re awful, I never say that. are you done now? J: uh, I think so. do you have anything to add? A: I think that’s it, you’re good! you’re
a good, a good person. So, yeah! that’s all, thanks to Jack for joining
me and goodbye, i will… I forgot what I normally say. so that’s all that we really have to talk
about, thanks to Jack for joining me, goodbye, have a incredible rest of your day, and I
will talk to you later maybe! (jack screams) you scared the dog!!

16 thoughts on “mental illness & dating (w/ my boyfriend!)

  1. Hi! Saw your comment on Drew Lynch and I was like "Oh hey! let's check him out!"
    You are an amazing person! And you guys are so cute together!
    Wish you the Best guys! Keep it up!

  2. This was awesome Ash! The way you two talk to each other is great, I'd imagine you both feel a bit of, "The other person is too good for me." When in reality, you two are good for each other!

    My boyfriend and I had a conversation. We asked each other, "If I were the opposite Gender would you still love me?"
    I'd say, it's easy question to say "Of course" to, but my boyfriend really gave it some thought. He concluded to, "I you asked me from the start I might of said no, but now no matter what I cannot stop loving you. So yes, if you woke up as a man I would love you."

  3. I have Depression, Social Anxiety, and ADHD. My girlfriend has Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. Luckily, we understand and help each other.

  4. I had a panic attack and my friend helped so much… She got me out of class before I had to get everyone's attention from me crying and shaking, I'm so glad

  5. This is a bit off topic however related to panic/anxiety attacks-me and my bff and my dad and I went out to the fireworks 🎇 the other day and me and my bff and my dad sat on the edge of the wharf at the waterfront to watch the fireworks 🎇 I was ok but nervous to sit facing the water my dad was brave and sat on a log type part of the wharf legs and body otherwise free standing my best friend has anxiety and adhd and she could hardly even get onto the edge of the wharf so I literally had to help her at least we had a place to put our feet on a ledge and a place to stand on however the whole time I asked my dad if he was ok and pictured him falling front words in to the harbour my best friend was certain she would not make it and that she was going to literally fall into the harbour which frightened her because she was only taught to swim under water and so I asked her if I could touch her so when she said yes i put my arm around her then I was going to explain to her that you said some physical contact during a panic attack is welcome☺️when the fireworks 🎇 started I let go of her however after they were done she had so much anxiety that I got off the edge of the wharf and literally had to pick up my best friends legs and move these 2 extremely resistant heavy legs physically over the ledge of the wharf the actual boardwalk myself 🥺

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