Hypersexuality as a Result of Abuse | Kati Morton


Hey, everybody. Happy Thursday. Now today’s video is on a topic that we haven’t discussed in years. And that topic is hypersexuality as a result of childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault. And the question I got was, “Hey, Katie, I was raped as a child and as a consequence I’m hypersexual. You’ve discussed how painful and hard it can be to have a healthy sex life after being sexually abused but you haven’t talked about how else one might react, such as, being overly sexual. It would be interesting to see what you think about it. I feel we’re a minority and it’s not talked about much. I may be wrong but since it’s not something widely discussed, I wouldn’t know. It’s something that I struggle with daily and has gotten me into many dangerous situations, so I’m curious to know.” And the first thing that I want to say is, that the truth about childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault at any age. The most common response is actually to be hypersexual and so I just want to put that out there, that you are not in the minority, you’re actually in the majority. So, know that you’re not alone. And I know a lot of you out there watching this video who haven’t gone through this are thinking doesn’t that, isn’t that like the opposite. Isn’t that counterintuitive? Why would someone who was harmed sexually as a child or at some point in their life, then turn around and be hypersexual. Why would they do that? Why would they hurt themselves with the very thing that hurt them in beginning? And there are many reasons that we do it. The first, is that it’s a way to regain control, to take it back. Many of my clients have told me that they will be hypersexual, they’ll put themselves into dangerous sexual situations because it’s their way of saying “It’s my body, I decide. I do what I want.” And it’s almost like they get to reverse the role. Instead of feeling like someone has control over them and can do whatever they want to them and even saying no isn’t stopping it. They get to choose and they get to have as much sex as they want. The second reason many people become hypersexualized, is validation. Imagine if we were sexually abused as children. We were raised in that environment. Thorugh that time in our formative years. We were shown that maybe the only way we got one on one attention was with sex. Maybe the only time we were really told that we were loved was through sex. Maybe that’s how we knew we were worthwhile and we were important. And all of those things. Maybe that was something we were told while we were being sexually abused. So you can see, how if that’s what happening in our formative years, even into our teens. We will associate love, support, validation with sex. Therefore in order to get what we all need, right, we all need love, validation and support. We will then turn to sex to fill that need. And if you’re new to my channel, don’t forget to subscribe and make sure you click that bell icon on my homepage so that you get notified. I’ve heard from a lot of you, that you’re being made aware of the videos when I put them up. So clicking that bell and turning on your notifications should change that. But the third reason that I know of, in my experience is chemical dependency. And that sounds like we’re talking about addiction and we kind of are. Sex can release those feel good hormones. You know how I’ve talked about different chemicals in our brain, like dopamine and norepinephrine. And all those things that swirl around and make us feel really good. Sex releases those. Therefore, if we’ve been hypersexualized we’re already maybe used to being abused and being sexualized for many night, maybe every night growing up. When we get older we still seek out that same feeling and that’s why when you talk about treatment for this, the next stage then is, like, dual treatment. We need to treat potentially the addiction and that like yearning for that feel good, that dopamine, that serotonin, that norepinephrine that gets released. We may seek that out, so we need to deal with the addiction, the sex addiction. And secondly we have to heal from our trauma and you I did those videos with Alexa, where we talked about trauma therapy and EMDR. And all the different ways that you can heal from a trauma. And as always leave in the comments your own experience. I’m just sharing what I know and those are only three reasons that I’m aware of. Maybe they’re others that I’m forgetting. Please let us know. And if you want more videos about this and you like this kind of content, like I said we haven’t talked about it in maybe years. Then give us a thumbs up and let me know as well. And I hope that you found this helpful, I hope this is healing and lets you know that you are not in the minority. You are instead in the majority and things can and will get better. And I will see you next time. Bye! Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 thoughts on “Hypersexuality as a Result of Abuse | Kati Morton

  1. Once again, I have made a video that is not advertiser friendly. BUT I am not going to stop talking about important issues. I want to thank everyone who is supporting my videos by contributing on www.patreon.com/katimorton You are helping me continue to make important content and you are GREATLY appreciated. xoxo

  2. Thats literally me after being molested by my cousin and made a guinea pig with her weird ideas about her making me and her half brothet kiss as kids, its so fucking weird

    After a while I started finding grown men attractive and wanting them to be the ones touching me lol my friends joke about my child self wanting grown men thrown in jail for being pedos. But I have no idea what my deal was as a kid

  3. One my friends was this way in high school. I had a feeling that this was true, and one day she let me know that she had been raped as a child resulting in an std as well. She got through it, and now she is in a very happy relationship 🙂.

  4. I used to be very sexual as a teenager by masturbating 3 hrs a day. Then once I was 17-18, I had sex with a lot of men because that's what gave me validation. It felt like that was the only thing that guys wanted from me so I just gave it to them. It ended up with me being less sexual to the point I didn't want sex at all. Right now, I could care less cause I've been emotionally abused too much.

  5. Going through the comment section, it actually terrifies me to see that there are more sexual abuse survivors than we think. Child abuse prevention training program to the kids in schools is the need of the hour, I will definitely teach my kids how to prevent it.

  6. I think it’s beautiful how you can post this video and the comments become a community of people sharing there stories and offering support.

  7. Everything you just explained I can relate to. I mean I like sex and I like being sexual but thinking that my hypersexuality was caused by sexual abuse is really hitting me. I thought the only way I can get my boyfriends attention (or any other guys before I had a boyfriend) is when I’m sexual but I never realized I was thinking that because of my trauma

  8. few years ago i was sexually abused and since it happened i felt like sex is all i am worth. ive gotten suspended twice at my school for doing sexual activities at school. I was constantly sexual with many different partners multiple times a day. im 16 now and am trying to restrict myself from my past behaviors. it affected so many of my relationships with good friends and family. im glad im not alone tho

  9. I suffer from hypersexuality and I was gone through severe verbal abuse by my father ,now I am trying my best to get out of it but still stuck

  10. Am I wrong to feel angry and frustrated when recently rented a room and the property owner wakes me up in the middle of the night having sex with his girlfriend so far it has been 3or 4 nights.
    I feel totally confused and have left the room and basically homeless again.

  11. Yep this is me. I was sexually abused when I was 5-8 years old, and I was definitely addicted to sexual acts.

    And it sucked because at that age range, it was like a fever that wouldn't go away. And then you had parents who were explaining to you about virginity and waiting until marriage, and I always knew that there was no way I could wait for marriage to have sex. I craved the feelings for a long while and masturbated like crazy until I was 18 and lost my virginity.

    But now that I'm in a committed relationship I always feel the need to have sex. Because in my mind, sex means that I'm wanted, sex means that I am loved and attractive, and it's all validating becsuse my oldest brother and cousins taught me that's how "love" worked to groom me into it.

    Dang, this hit me hard. It's like I always knew it, but to hear it from a professional makes me feel terrible about the situation I felt set me up for hardship when it comes to ideas about love and sex.

  12. Beware of perverts who come to these helpful video to justify a disease they cannot control. it's easier to be in denial than owning yourself and healing.

  13. I hate how right this is. I’m currently in high school and I have gone out of my way to get my sexual needs filled. I was sexually abused when I was 3 until I was 8. I’m currently having sex with 3 guys who are in relationships. I just feel the need to get what I want and then leave. I don’t know what to do

  14. I bet someone has written it in the comments but I have to mention it again, especially for long time abuse victims it can not only become taking power back, or direct self harm, but also reliving and validating the trauma and doing what they told you again and again. He told me I was a gross whore who didn’t deserve anything else and that sex was the only thing I was good for, so sometimes I had sex to take back control, sometimes I still hear his and my own voice melt together in my head telling me I am good for nothing else, and then my own sad beaten down voice continuing the sentence with “So I better just give in to it then, if I give them pleasure at least I’m not completely worthless”

  15. An individual whom has been traumatized through sexual abuse should consider the impact to the SUBCONSCIOUS area of their mind. Working through this is imperative. Unfortunately, (and on purpose,) Western medicine has little to do with this area of the mind. Handing someone an Opioid seems to be the recommended approach. This cannot be fixed by coming at it with the conscious mind like a checklist. It is not that simple. Also, you stated that most sexually abused people are hypersexual, can you comment with your proof of this? I am interested in the study you got this from.

  16. My experience is not that terrible, but I want to share it because we often don't hear about the "less terrible cases." I think that leads to us telling ourselves that it's not that bad, cause it is still bad, yknow.

    I grew up a pretty sheltered kid. I didn't know what having a crush was like until I was around 13. When I was around 15, a family friend started sexually harassing me, unbeknownst to me. I thought it was ok I guess. I didn't understand so I accepted it for the little while it lasted (about half a year). I became hypersexual. I sought out sex and I told the family friend, the pedophile, about my desires. I remember they were amused and encouraged me to like sex. They were into using masturbation techniques on others, and they wanted to take me out to use their skills on me (though nothing physical ever ended up happening). They knowingly took complete and total advantage of my naivety, deleted the chat history, and encouraged me to keep it all secret. I didn't know better. I would often feel a strong sexual drive, and took it out in online chats. I basically was a cyber sexual harasser of random teens my age. I still feel a lot of guilt about it.

    Nowadays in college, it's like I'm asexual. I have practically zero interest in sex or masturbation; I view the act as a "violation" of sorts. Anyways… that's my experience with hypersexuality.

  17. I would love to see more videos on the topic of childhood sexual abuse. Or if there are others you've posted I would love to know about them!

  18. Im a 45 yr old man molested just once by a family member..it instantly turned me into a sex addict..an with anyone and everyone.and yet everytime after i am so disgusted with mysel.I often as a teen sought men who would abuse me in those ways..fuked up..sex abuse of kids is murder

  19. I’ve been hyper sexual since I was like…nine or ten years old. But I was never abused sexually? I look back at how I’d think and the things I would do and none of that was normal for a kid my age.

  20. This led to abortions and childlessness, and good luck finding therapy unless u are lucky or have the financial means.

  21. Love your videos. This is so true to not only childhood sexual assault victims but other sexual assault/rape victims. I've been struggling with this very topic. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me because I was looking for sex and putting myself in dangerous situations. I'm not alone in this type of reaction. As nice as it is knowing I'm not alone it's also sad when I think of all the people struggling this way and putting themselves in danger.

  22. I think I am hypersexual as a result of my childhood but I was never sexually abused. I feel kind of alone in this.

  23. For me I believe it was a lot of things. Control was definitely a big part of it; I wasn't going to let my rapist control how I felt in a relationship. I think the lack of affection at home also didn't help, because in my refusing to let myself be controlled or defined by what happened to me, the sex seemed to fill the void I had, for a while anyway. Eventually my hypersexuality was used to control, abuse and punish me. I'm still hypersexual, and struggle to have my needs met. My last serious relationship was with someone who lost his sex drive early on in the relationship, and it felt like I was being punished all over again. I've been with one person since the relationship ended, and it's really hard to let anyone in, both emotionally and sexually now. I'm afraid to be hurt again, and I'm afraid I'll never find someone who can keep up with me. Sex was a lot easier before I started enjoying it, and I hate that.

  24. Exactly. When I feel the pain of being heartbroken in a relationship…i become permiscous. I go from feeling worthless to atleast feeling valued sexually and having the validation of being attractive.

  25. Was just dealing with a woman who was raped twice and molested She became a hypersexual I know she gave me the silent treatment and emotionally abused me Also slapped me in the face 3 times while we were having sex My mind is fucked up behind the situation She got a frivolous protective order against me after 90 days smh

  26. I am 17 years old and when I was younger my grandfather molested me for 10 years. It didn't stop until I was on the cusp of 15, and at the age of 11ish I turned to the online world especially the sexual part of it. I was texting men as old as 40-50, sending pictures, doing video calls, do role plays, anything and everything. I sadly am still that way but I am in therapy so I am slowly losing the need to be online for the attention and I know I do it for validation. I can't fully grasp still, that what he did was wrong. This might confuse people, but we only start to form long term memories at 3-4ish and that is when it began for me, I didn't know a life outside of the sexual abuse. Now I only feel beautiful with my clothes off and a man's attention on me. I don't trust men but I desperately seek their approval.

  27. Actually thats sad. These girls go trough this traumatic rape, and because of it they become hypersexual. This must be hard to admit, because the media/hollywood spread this image about women who jump in the shower and cant have a normal sexual relation anymore.

    Its a copingmechanism. Instead of fleeing in a victim role, i think they embrace a nymphomania life, so that aspect is overshadowed by it. But i think this does create a feeling of guilt when they're older.

  28. I was sexually abused at 11 years old. I'm 16 now and honestly I couldn't find ANYONE who has experienced the same thing as me with the same reaction I guess? I was made to do stuff by a 40 something year old man and now I'm only into older men. It makes me feel sick to my stomach thinking about what I do… but I cant help it and it's really weird and depressing. I dont know how to feel comfortable in my body and using sex and older men makes me feel comfortable I guess. It makes me worried that no one will believe me. I've used drugs like MDMA and ketamine to replace the sex. But once I'm out of money for drugs and out of drugs, my mind goes back to sex within a few days. I've done stuff I cant even say to myself because I feel so guilty about it. Wish I had someone to talk to about it. I dont even know if I use it as a punishment, a comfort or just something to take my mind off of it… I genuinely dont know how much longer I can go on like this.

  29. Yes, I've experienced that too. I was sexually abused, and for some time I wanted for my abuser come to me and have sex with me, even though I felt terrible afterwards. It changed when I've learned masturbate, although I felt extremely guilty about it because of religious background. It was emotional rollercoaster, I was depressed and suicidal. At the age of 18 I was on the party and I've had opportunity to sleep with a guy, and I did. And somehow it felt very good on the emotional standpoint. It was not about a guy, It was about that I choose him, and I was wanted by this man. I still have some sexual problems, but they don't impact significantly my daily life.

  30. it's like me kind of my mom and my stepdad use to leave out porn movies when I was a kid and I use to get a hold of them and watch it and even though I didn't really understand it it was 1 of the only things that gave me pleasure as a kid because I had a pretty traumatic childhood and that's probably why I've always had a fantasy about being forced to have sex because I thought well then at least I would then have the pleasure of having it there's that and the fact that my dad use to pre outside in front of me and I also got touched by him in a inappropriate way he has schizophrenia by the way I always thought that sexual assault would of been something that I would of loved because I love seeing sex as a kid and yes sexual abuse and physical and emotional abuse are all just as bad but I've always felt that for me sexual abuse is fun because I thought well atleast I'm getting some pleasure it kind sounds really messed up but now that you're mentioning it it sounds like that's very common for us abuse survivors to feel like we want to get forced in a sexual manner

  31. Makes me feel so much better about my stupid teen promiscuity. That is the one thing that I was and still am so ashamed of anout myself and now I know that it was a normal response from my sexual assault as a child. This hurt me so bad to watch but in a good way, I needed to hear this.

  32. Common indeed. After violent incestual rape at 17, it was a whirlwind of hypersexuality for 15-20yrs including my 8yr swinger-marriage. Then, I became a Born Again Cherry (got a laugh with that one from the ol's crowd) A few years later I married the love of my life. 30 years and he is still the one. It'll pass, would not have taken me as long if someone like Kati was aroung 40-50 yrs ago! thanks for the video, Kati.

  33. Okay, so I'm a 21 y.o guy, and I was sexually assaulted and raped early on, although I can maintain a relationship with my current female partner and newly mother to my son, and hopefully life partner soon. With the recent very open opinion and comfortable identification about sexual orientation, I have identified as a bisexual and to be alittle more in depth a mix of closet crossdresser, highly excited versatile, hypersexual very open to all ages below golden and have had multiple partners (male and female) the far past and even more so many more males in recent from casual light oral only encounters to fast adult video sexual activities and house parties with multiple sexual partners in the hour hyped up drunk half the time unprotected and taking and giving as much loads I could possibly get, overall I was numbering in over 250+ about half unprotected. Now I know that sounds like a mouthful and it really was, I absolutely loved the slut life, that is however until one night on an exciting encounter with a man in his early 30's outside a adult theatre, he took me to a secluded location and I gave him a blow bareback and was so excited I let him in me totally unprotected and he came in meh like alot, we then parted ways, I felt so excited in a dirty way I pulled over and fingered to fish out his long strand of semen still intact, then I swallowed it all making it apart of me. Two days later I felt sick, like I cought the flu, headache, nausea, vomit, loss of appetite, fatigue, and reoccurring watery stool, I then started researching such symptoms and realised a possible infection. The possibilities were many however one in particular took me in deepest thoughts, that was HIV. Now I know since then that such symptoms may occur days after possible exposure and the criteria of symptoms include a acute or viral window and that viruses may overlap with that of others possibilities I just could not shake the thought and possibility. My life flashed before my mind, started with a shock, how could I let this happen, then information and more research, followed by a drowning sadness and anger manifested. I yelled, screamed, and cried. I fell into what my therapist concluded as acute stress disorder (ASD). Then I started acting weirder and different, avoiding all the adult theatres, outings, contacts, and sexual actions even masturbation. I became a germaphobe. Washing and wiping all items around my house and being especially cautious in public. Significant changes in sex with my girlfriend, next to none at all. Would cry when I felt sick or any smallest sign of abnormal bodily cosmetic behavior. Ofcourse I got tested and the results were reassuring, all negative. The conclusion was that since I swallowed semen that had been in my rectal, I may have very well ingested e. Coli or h. Pylori bacteria found in stool or in the rectal area. Amazing, after all that not even the common forms of STD. There was still time to wait however, 3 months or 12 weeks to get a test for HIV that was 99.97% accurate, that test is still coming in 2 weeks. Hoping for the best, negative. What really took the crown in my mountian of near depression and stress was looking at my son, hearing him cry, and the pain I would cause him if I go much too soon or infect him through his mother because at that time my status was still unknown. I was devastated. And as I am fighting the aftermath of stress and anxiety,  I promised him and myself to live so much more responsibility, and walk away from such habits. In a world of acceptance and influence even ones we dont intend, it can be hard, but I hope my story helps someone to see just what could be, and what can be. You are so beautiful in every way and have much potential, life is precious and time ininvaluable, live to your fullest potential.

  34. When I was a very little girl. About 5-6. I would watch Bonanza and eagerly watched for shots of Little Joes crotch.
    Yea what was that all about……
    At a Christian woman's retreat in my 20s. A group of us stayed up late and discussed sexual things. We went around the circle and shared how old we were when we first had an orgasm .
    Some never had.. When it came to me I realized for the first time that I was four. Children masturbate because if feels good.
    But I new at four there was a goal I was shooting for. And accomplished. I woke up every night with night terrors of being tortured until I was five years old.
    My father screamed at me if he even saw me walk by. Never had a nice word or expression on his face toward me.
    My mom would come into my room after one of his alcoholic rages and say "Your father doesn't know why he is like this.
    I am the oldest of four…and he never screamed at anyone in the household but me…….
    He was a traveling salesman…home a week .gone a week.
    If I had not been able to experience every other week with him gone,,,,,,,,I would have killed myself at the age of nine. ( when I started to consider it as an option.)
    I went on to become what I call the Hooker that didn't get paid………giving it away because I knew I had this GIFT to give.
    Five guys in 24 hours one time……still find that hard to believe…………Sex was my drug of choice……..Didn't get into drinking or drugs.Just POT. While everyone I knew was dropping LSD..it was the 60s. God was merciful to me. I never got pregnant, never got a STD.
    No one in my family can remember what my father was yelling at me about to this day. They just remember I was severely emotionally abused. Really strange.
    I was born in Fort Leonard wood army camp in Missouri. In 1953 When the Military started operation paperclip. My father was an officer.
    Experimental mind control and SHOTS of who knows what were offered to enhance Officers pregnant wives, that would make their children stronger and smarter.
    I got straight As for the most part and could out due the boys. Run faster jump higher kind of stuff. At the age of thirteen I took a sophisticated IQ test to get into a private all girls
    Catholic school and learned it was Mensa level. ( the boy craziness had gotten bad in 7th and 8th grade) and my mom thought it might help to just get me away from them. It didn't. There are so many telltale signs than I was. And maybe still am a part of a strange program.
    Never commented this much on a post before,,,,,,,There is a lot more to my story. SOMEBODY NEEDED TO READ THIS TO TURN ON THE LIGHT FOR THEM GOD BLESS
    P.S. NEVER GIVE UP… I have a beautiful life……………………………JESUS HAS GOTTEN ME THROUGH IT ALL

  35. I never connected the abuse with my mental illness- ptsd, bipolar, anxiety- with my hypersexuality. I've been crazy since I was a small child. Now that I'm in my 30's, it feels great to see that I'm not alone AND I'm not really crazy 😊

  36. Hi Kati I’m a writer and this is really helpful for me to portray a realistically sexual abused character

  37. I was raped when I was really young in foster care home I don't remember anything until my grandparents of my birth mom adopted me they adopted all of there kids but there son was killed by people that if I talk about I'm afraid they might kill me but my birth dad his dad left a 12 gauge out and my dad got ahold of it walked out side and shot a lady and spent a lot of time in juvy/jail my mom meet him he lied about his life story said he was from France and rich and running from the Mafia they had me and my brother but his mom and dad treated him affel so he didn't didn't know how to be a real dad they would fright I was locked in a bathroom and a lot of stuff but cps came in took me a my brother my grandparents got me and him I don't remember anything until that point I think my brain hides that stuff but my mom's new husband had a 2 twin daughters and son from his past marriage. Then when I was 10 one of the twins in the middle of the night got me up and I was tired so I just did what I was told and then stuff happened to me keep in mind they had all been sexual assaulted as well sorry for so much there is way more to the story I geuss my question was is it possible to be sexual assaulted when really young like before age of 4 young and still deal with being overly sexual also I don't hear many men speak up if they were sexual assaulted by a woman I'm 15 soon to be 16 plz help

  38. It feels like the only way you can get attention and love that you crave, yet at the same time it drives you mad because then you also feel like sex is the only worth you have.

  39. Sister you are GOD SENT answers I've been seeking for years you answered in 4min. Im an older man and couldn't figure out why i felt so sexual a lot of the time THANK YOU

  40. I was emotionally corrused into giving head to my. Mom boyfriend the only person that beilived me was my mom , he constantly would shift the blame onto me and say " he thought I wanted it " a bit of a not he was a narccist so as we all know they have a hard time admiting there worng , or they usually shift the blame. , which he does constantly he used to live with us but i had taken a recording of him and showed his entrie famliy he was disowned by everyone he knew and no one has ever really heard but i don't really care i am just trying to recover it has been hard for me to trust people after what happened .

  41. I was sexually abused as a child and as a teenager and what she says is so true. Certainly the part about validation, but moreso concerning re-asserting control over my own body. Problem is, I don't always do that in the healthiest of ways. I've never hurt anyone else, but harming myself by engaging in risky behaviour (either alone or with others) is what worries me. Other people's thoughts are always appreciated.

  42. Trigger warning: Comment contains recounts of sexual assault.

    I became hyper sexual and addicted to sex after I was sexually harassed by one of my best friends at the time, and even more so after I was raped in a working hostel. I went out to have many one night stands to do exactly what you described, to take back control of my sexuality and to firmly say in my head, "I will decide who I have sex with." But during this time I found myself in several horrible sexual scenarios where I felt like I didn't have control and that I was once again being controlled. It got so out of hand and I just did not know how to stop…. I was also drinking way too much and smoking a lot of weed…. I was doing everything possible to repress my memories to the point that I wasn't even conscious of the fact I was doing it… I was just "having fun." I got told to seek help for what I was going through, but I was so ignorant to my own suffering that I didn't.

  43. Thank you! ❤ what about becoming a masochist: wanting only violence and having sex only because you hope to get hurt in the process…?

  44. I was sexually abused from 2 years old onwards and I remember all of it .. all my life from 14 onwards I’m now 24 I’ve slept with so many men I feel so unloved and I don’t know why

  45. My childhood neighbor and best friend (a few years older) growing up abused me and I am still dealing with hypersexual issues. I can't have a normal healthy relationship yet. No one stays because I'm a FWB material vs GF material since I bring it up so quickly and so often. My therapist and I are working on it but it's crazy that I've been with so many people but feel so ultimately alone.

  46. I got molested when i was 7? I have such hightened sexual desire since a young age is. The question is: Are these 2 scenarios related?

  47. I use to be like that at teenagers but I dont have that now completely the opposite for me I did risky things in my teenage years very risky I was sexual abuse at 14 years old

  48. Programming. A kind of script is played out and – all 'deer in head lights' the response is automatic and congruent. You don't want to but you do, or it's just a mechanical response.

  49. I was used for my late dad's sexual needs
    from age 16 months until 8 years old. The effect on sexual feelings have been
    hyper sexuality on my own usually using porn, [which was part of my dad’s sexual
    kicks, taking photos of me naked etc] and fear of any connection with other
    people, even friends. This was because the abuser was so obsessed with controlling
    me, my [older] brother and our Mom, that he gaslighted/manipulated us to
    totally rely on him and ridiculed and disapproved of any contact my brother had
    with friends. He even moved us from Toronto to London, UK to avoid my teacher's
    concern for my disturbed behavior at school, scared of contact with other kids
    and clinging to her.

    It is 30 years since I confronted
    my dad [November 1989], after which he eventually had a bad asthma then heart
    attack and died. My family are still in denial of the effects of generation
    child abuse of all kinds. My Aunt in the uk told me about the generational
    abuse, [my dad and 3 sisters were molested by their uncle and bullied/beaten by
    their dad] but she used religion to deny the effects, and was a bully to her
    kids and husband, telling me to forget all about it and get on with life. . My
    aunt in Toronto even told me she was molested by not only her uncle, but my dad
    when she was teenager and dad was in his 20s.

    But after believing me which gave
    me so much peace after feeling guilty for "killing" him by telling
    him his behavior was bad, she took it away and said "it did not happen
    really, did it. You just fantasized about your dad, so that means you are gay.
    I will help you by telling the family"

    . She was evil for saying that,
    just because she felt guilty for not helping me, my brother and Mom and has
    never dealt with the effects of abuse on herself, using compulsive and
    addictive behaviour to cope.

    So I have nothing to do with them
    since Mom died and am learning to listen to gut reaction about whether people
    are really freind or just using me. Sexually, I am now more in touch with feelings
    and realise I do not associated esxual feelings and love.  

    So when I feel safe with people,
    I do not feel anything, just I like them. When with people I fear or insecure
    with, then I get hypersexual on my own, basically like a kid comforting themself
    by rubbing groin. I do not like the labels often used for sexuality, so I
    prefer just describe my feelings. Others might label me asexual, after years of
    labelled homo- or bi-sexual, because i associate sexual behavior with
    aggression, so I could not feel sexual for a woman most of the time.

    I have always felt like a rope in
    a tug of war between 1] people moralizing [for religious or personal reasons]
    afraid I was "homosexual" and telling me how to be
    "heterosexual" and 2] people ridculing my fear of sexual feelings and
    saying "do whatever you feel like, you are "gay".

    No one actually listening to ME
    since I was toddler and could voice my protest and fear, but did not know the
    words, afraid of life everyday, having out of body experiences and pleading with
    whatver put me here, take me back.

    Now I am listening to ME, all of
    the dissociated parts of ME who were never listened to. I associated
    masturbation with self harm because it triggers abuse flashbacks. I am working
    on learning who I like or do not like, denied me as a kid; who I can hug and be
    affectionate with without fear of being abused again or that somehow my
    affection for my dad MADE him act sexually with me.

  50. Since my memories of my childhood sexual abuse started to resurface I’ve been hyper sexual and I want to stop because it’s taking over my life. I just want to be back to my normal self again. Does anyone have any tips to help me?

  51. My question is after all this hyper sexuality and getting married… and damaging that so badly…. when it all comes crashing down.. going from hyper sexuality to zero sexuality. What do I do now? I need help.

  52. If you ever see this comment, could you talk about when the destruction of boundaries is the reason a survivor is hypersexual?

  53. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder who is hypersexual. In my bad thoughts I can start to hear and see everything sexually. Is it possible for me to feel hypersexual even if I have little experience with a partner?

  54. Heyyy, i have a question. I was assaulted 6 years ago, and i wanted to know if sexual trauma causes confusion. About 2 weeks ago i started noticing a change in me. I started to notice that i would have wanted to have sex and that's been on my mind, and is continuing to be on my mind. What i wanted to know is if it can cause confusion. Give you an example, till about 2 weeks ago i only used to like girls, and now i find i get attracted to some men, and one today. Is that confusion part of sexual trauma?

  55. I agree with you. Also trauma repetition. Thank you for the video. Also fetishes can come from the specifics and details of things experienced during sexual abusem

  56. I found this video to be interesting. My two sisters and I were all sexually abused and all responded differently as adults with sex. My oldest sister waited until marriage for sex, and has only had sex with her two husband's. My older (middle) sister was extremely promiscuous from the age of thirteen to now forty four. She has 4 children from different fathers and has only been married once. I am the youngest and was 4 years old when it started. I grew up afraid of men, but had a boyfriend in highschool because it was normal. I had a child after highschool but then spent 10 years as a lesbian after that because I just could not be with men. So, I was 4, my older sister was 7, and the oldest sister was 10 at the time that it happened. I'm now a psych major and I think it is interesting to look at the difference in age and how we responded to sex as adults. I would never have thought that hypersexuality would be the most popular response to sexual abuse!

  57. I have a dissociative disorder (OSDD-1B) and I have been hypersexual since I was a child.
    I don't remember my childhood trauma but I remember doing those compulsive actions without any idea as to why.

    It's a coping mechanism, to deal with the trauma and protect myself from it.

    It needs to be talked about more. It needs to be.

  58. My first boyfriend coerced me into oral and it slowly but surely became a slippery slope . He used my inexperience in relationships and exploited my insecurity knowing I would do anything to please him. He date raped me a year after we were together and took my virginity . A year later I was set up at a party by someone I thought was a ‘friend’ . I was irresponsibly drinking , lied to my mother about my whereabouts and suffered those consequences. She allowed multiple guys to have their way with me throughout the night and I was totally unaware until morning when she told me what happened I couldn’t stop balling . She tried to blackmail the guys to give her a large amount of money so I would not report it and gave my personal information to these guys . They contacted me pleading and I never told anyone but my best friend. I continued seeing one of those guys in a sex only relationship months after and eventually cut him off. I know I’m dangerously hyper sexual and I’m trying to control it with celibacy pacts and withdrawing from dating but people are naturally drawn to me and want to take all I have physically.

  59. i suffered sexual abuse once when i was around 2, and a second time (for about a week long period) when i was 3. i also was one of those kids who discovered masturbation from a really young age (again, 3 years old) and i had my own sexual fantasies related to sexual trauma i experienced when i was that age. this extended into my older childhood years. i stopped masturbating, having sexual fantasies, watching porn, etc. when i was around 13 because i am catholic and in my faith that's considered a sin. in reality, though, my sexual 'abuse' shouldn't be defined as abuse at all! it was a result of 2 medical conditions i had, one which stemmed from my masturbation habits. no one told me masturbation was bad, in fact it was encouraged (which is too long of a story for me to get into). either way, i'm still hypersexual even if i choose not to act on it (again, because of my moral code) i know it's still VERY persistent in the back of my mind. "sex is what you do when you love someone a lot…. right?" that mentality has been hard to shake. i know only based on what i've heard that sex does not equal love, now only if i could FEEL true love and healthy attachment without bringing sex into the equation. oh, and even worse, when i was in 8th grade i was struck with intrusive thoughts OCD which centered around (you guessed it) sexual obsession. this OCD then developed into scrupulosity all of which i have been battling for the past 3 years. i guess i feel even more ashamed that this isn't a result of outright molestation or rape, it's something i doubt anyone could take seriously because there was no malicious intent behind it. for some reason, i'd rather feel like a victim to someone because then i'd feel justified and have someone to blame for my suffering. but boy, i can speak from experience that it left a big, fat scar on me and i wonder if i'll ever reconcile that matter with myself… and as for those who were/are victims of molestation and rape, i wish you all well and i hope i didn't offend you with what i said… but i guess at the end of the day it all boils down to one thing: we are strong, we are survivors, and our past does not define us.

  60. I dont think i had any abuse as a child, but now it came to me that it wasn't that obvious. When I was like 7-10 I was experimenting with my genitals and I didn't heard my father coming. I was him so I got very nervous, but he ignored me and just casually told me I was listening TV so loud I couldn't hear him coming back home. Later on ive got to go out with girl of my dreams. I was so happy, but he asked me if shes pregnant. Another time he responded to me that having fun on dry (we are polish, i have no idea how does it sound in english) is a bad idea. From perspective of time its all just some sort of funny situation, but at the same time it makes me potray sex n stuff as something casual and makes me more hypersexual than usual. Now I feel weird that most of my jokes around friends are about sex and dark things and they dont get some of them.

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