60 thoughts on “How do I forgive others? OR MYSELF?? – Mental Health Videos with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

  1. 'Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.' – I think Mandela is one of the most inspiring testimonies to the power and freedom that can be found in forgiveness.

  2. So I had a panic attack bc my class did something and I was going crazy and stuff and I was angry at the whole class and the same day I made a 30 sec vid w me venting. I forgot about it and then suddenly I started getting weird questions like "why do you hate us?" and then I deleted the vid and I felt guilty and angry at myself. The class wouldn't talk to me and I was going thru a shitty time. I have problems w talking in front of people bc that gives me anxiety attack so my school counsellor told them what was going on. But I still haven't forgiven myself and I feel horrible for doing it.

  3. Okay Kati, here's my question for you. Lets say I vent to a friend (in confidence) about a bad breakup I had and I say all these bad things and she turns around and tells my ex boyfriend. If I move on, forgive her, and let go of the anger/negative emotions that I had towords the situation. But she still betrayed me. If I don't want to open up to that friend again does that mean I haven't forgiven her yet? I mean, I don't want to get hurt, and at the same time I'm not mad at her. I just have this sinking feeling that if I open up to her again she'll hurt me like last time.  

  4. I am working on forgiveness. Although it is on the back burner, I feel like forgiveness is a big part of recovering from PTSD. Through the Courage to Heal Workbook I have realized that I have to forgive those people who abused me in the past. I am a much happier person knowing that I can forgive myself for the past even when my flashbacks are really bad because I can differentiate the past from the present. I think forgiveness is important because we have to let go of the past and the things in the past that hurt us in order to move on and be a happier more successful person in the future. 😀

  5. Wonderful quote regarding forgiveness:

    “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.” -Nelson Mandela

  6. This is really interesting… I find it really hard to gauge if I've done something wrong, whether I need to forgive or whether I have been forgiven for something. You say that you can forgive someone, but not be best buddies (if you were before) again with them. This is hard for me to grasp, because how is that true forgiveness? True forgiveness for me has to revert completely back to how things were before. Really thought-provoking video. Thanks Kati <3 xxxxxxx

  7. Is there such a thing as forgiving too much to such an extent that you're the one who ends up hurt? Like letting everyone off the hook too easily and bottling everything up so much that it just causes an overload? Sometimes, it feels like that's what I'm supposed to be doing because I don't like to get angry at others or hurt them.

  8. yay! glad you got a holiday, kati, but sooooo happy to see a new video from you :o)
    forgiveness is a tough topic. i find it generally easy to see things from others' point of view so forgiving them is not that difficult. but i seem to take more thn my share of blame and cant forgive myself.

  9. Hi Kati. I love your videos! You are so helpful and inspiring! Where is the article you mentioned with the 6 stages of forgiveness? I would like to read it. 

  10. Learning how to forgive myself and others who have hurt me in my past was key in my recovery process. Once you let go of those burdens that you held because you couldn't forgive, you become free to move on and work on other things in your life. The key word being free….. forgiveness does set you free. xoxo

  11. I think I forgive to easy especially if I'm attached to the person I'm forgiving. even if I'm in the right I will agree with them so long as we're OK. I think I value the fact they still put up with me. I dont want to be like this its not healthy but I'm so scared of more people leaving me 🙁 xox missed your videos @***** and welcome back hope you had a fandabbydosie week off xoxo <3

  12.  I am a very forgiving person, sometimes too forgiving.  I really need to be more assertive and learn to forgive myself.  Sent you private message on your site last week.  Hope you had a great holiday break. Post video of your christmas tree 🙂

  13. Do you feel forgiveness is an important part of recovery from abuse? Just curious.. I've had some past abuse and I just can't wrap my head around ever forgiving them. 

  14. wow this video helped me a lot,.. I have a hard time forgiving people and I never knew why? but It's because I couldn't forgive myself for everyday things. Thank you Kati this video was the answer to my problem!

  15. I have difficulties in forgiving people. It is just so hard. I've realised recently that I myself can't forgive someone until I allow myself to feel the pain. I've been trying to forgive people all my life without feeling the pain in the first place that made me need to forgive them. I'm very good at dissociating from things, which served me well growing up, but it sucks because I can't even properly feel anything anymore. I've been working on it for almost 2 years now and my therapist has recently told me that I am the closest to my pain then I have been in therapy before.
    Recently I dreamed that my mum was ignoring me when I was in pain. In this dream my dad helped me, but it wasn't mummy's help so I was still in pain and she continued to ignore me even though I was voicing my hurt at her…asking her 'What could be more important them me? Why didn't you care about me?'. I woke up crying so hard it literally hurt. – That one dream has affected me. I think I am finally on my way to forgiving her. I've been making excuses for her for a long time, but in doing that I ignored my own pain and didn't understand why I couldn't forgive her. Now I think i am finally going to be able too, which makes me feel hopeful. I had a similar dream when it came to my dad and have forgiven him. Mum will be harder though. She did the most damage.
    Sorry for the long comment. lol

  16. Hi Kati, last year I was going through a really rough time and cut for the first time. It was never deep or serious, but when my boyfriend found out he got really scared and upset. Even though I kept getting urges, I managed to not do it anymore. My boyfriend knows I'm still having a bit of a hard time and he's the one I usually talk to or vent to when I need. But the other day we had a little fight, and didn't talk for about a day, during which I relapsed and cut again. Now while on one hand I want to tell him, on the other I'm scared of his reaction. It was just a way to cope but he doesn't understand that. Any advice? I don't plan on doing it again, but I wish I could make him see I'm not trying to take my own life or go to the hospital or anything… I wish I didn't have to be scared he'll leave me if I slip and do it again.

  17. A girl on school saw my scars.. It was an accident, but still I should've been more carefull. :/ She told someone and now I get reminded of it too often, I'm trying to stop, not easy now when they reminds me of it all the time.. I'm afraid they're gonna tell the rest of the school.. They kinda own me now :/ Can't forgive myself for being so uncarefull, I just can't do it..

  18. am 49 years old and i still cant forgive people who bullied me at school and college stuck pin in my back sorry i cant forgive people who wronged me i dont care how much they have changed or how sorry they are they can fuck off and rott in hell. most of my bullies are in there late 40s early 50s i dont care how old they are now if i saw them i will bater them in i want revenge not to forgive them

  19. It's pretty childish advice to say do yoga and breathing exercises. It doesn't take 6 years worth of college and a masters degree to learn this shit. You don't understand what I've been going through my whole life. Dislike.

  20. #katifaq  kati, please help, what do you do when you feel so trapped in this world like there is no way out and I'm stuck in hell on earth? 🙁 

  21. Given up on forgiving certain people because of certain things that they have done. Never tried forgiving myself.

  22. There's a classmate that finds me boring and she ignores me most of the time.

    I want to stop thinking about how to be more interesting to her because it's causing me distress.

    I also don't know how to interact with her. should I avoid her, pretend she doesn't exist. but then that seems pretty passive aggressive.

  23. What about people who you tried to forgive and still maing the same mistakes oevr and over again? I choosed to ignored them anyway is their problem the hate they have is against themselves not about myself either.

  24. from my experience the only way w can truly forgive is when we experience the love and froginess of Christ for ourself,by spending time at the cross, meditate on what Jesus went through for my own sin help me to forgive we need a supernatural power to forgive its not natural for us.Its only when we understand what is is to love God with all our heart and love our neighbour that it can happen that we forgive otherwise it will be difficult….

  25. I agree forgiving ourselves is hardest and shouldn't be. In that step, I found that being specific was important, and also found that forgiving myself for all the lingering effects stemming from childhood abuses… like when I don't nurture a friendship as well because nurturing is a skill that isn't so developed, or feeling the sting of shame having known things that a child shouldn't…these are parts of the abuse that also need compassion and connecting to the root so we can get past them. Even for C-PTSD, I need to forgive myself and have self compassion for this being another, stronger lingering effect of the same roots. It's not my fault. I didn't cause any of it. So, the shame fades, and I stop judging or feeling depressed – and instead sigh at the wonder of surviving and carving out a new life now. It puts my focus on things I choose to be in my life, things that energizes, thrill, delight, nurture and have real meaning.

  26. Hi Kati, I'm sure you can't mean forgive everyone? There is absolutely no reason we need to forgive anyone that abused or neglected us in any way. In fact we should probably stay away from that toxic person, if we even know them. Most are not repentant. Forgiving someone like that is giving away our power, like saying to them "You're right, You didn't mind, and I didn't matter" just my thoughts from 35 yrs of therapy.

  27. I was bullied for 8 years I dont Know how I can forgive those people I wish I got revenge I still hate them And I hate myself for having suicidal thoughts

  28. Forgiving is easy, keeping your righteous indignation going until you have achieved revenge, now that's hard work.

  29. I tried looking at it from their perspective, and what I got was "I'm an evil little shit who just wants to cause other people misery". It didn't really help.

  30. For me when I get angry I just shut down and just direct the anger to myself. It's so bad that I hate myself for crying sometimes

  31. I’ve been holding on to anger and hatred for 25 years, I know I need to forgive myself and those that hurt me to be able to let it go. I just have no idea how.

  32. Thanks your videos help me a lot. I don't know what I'd do without! I still really could use therapy but while I can't get it this is helpful 🙂 I just posted this cause I thought maybe you would like to know that your video is helping a random person miles away ;3

  33. How does one move past the bitterness and anger towards a person who emotionally abused you your entire childhood and adult life and who feels no remorse about it towards forgiveness?

  34. 4th – seeing things from the other person's perspective – the people who provoke the most anger in me (TOXIC) – oh, their perspective is so narcissistic – entitlement, so much entitlement, and their disregard for boundries, mine, the standard rules of etiquet, the laws of the road, etc.… When I set boundries, their response is often "you owe me" even through, I do more then they within the relationship. And they devalue (minimize) my contributions – they minimize me by saying "oh, it wasnt that much work, that doesnt take that much time, that is not stressful, you are lying about your emotions", etc.. These realizations just make me angry again, because this emotion (anger) is about self-protection and with these people I need so much self-protection. It's mostly all about them.

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