Depression: In a Relationship ┃ Jill Stewardson

(♪♪♪) Hi everybody, today I wanted to talk about an issue that many people might not be aware. Umm many people might not know what to do but I wanted to discuss it and it’s a very sensitive and personal topic but I think it’s important that we discuss it. So I’m gonna be talking about how to deal with a depressed person, or a person who is suffering from a depression in a relationship. Now as you all know, I am married, almost 5 years now and at this point and time I personally feel that I’m going through depression. Now many of you might not notice it, because in my video, I’m very happy. Even at work, just in life I’m a very happy person, but it’s more behind the scenes that the depression comes out. You know, for example, I’ve cried my entire way to work before, some mornings just thinking about some of the issues that I’m having. Then I go to work, and I put a smile on, I wipe my tears away and nobody knows any difference. You know, but the one person who usually knows what you’re going through is your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever that significant other is in your relationship and that can really have an effect on your relationship. So I just kind of wanted to talk about a few aspects of things you can do as a person who is dealing with the depression, and as the significant other who is dealing with the person who has depression. So first, let’s talk about if you are depressed, how do you deal with that in a relationship. The number one thing that I have to say is talk about it. If you’re having an issue, whether it is because of that spouse, because of something else, you need to tell your significant other that you’re having issues. That your feeling sad and why you’re feeling that way. Because if you just shut them out of it, they’re not gonna be able to help you and they’re gonna feel that they’re doing something wrong and that can really lead to problems. If you don’t communicate with your significant other, then you could potentially you know end up in divorce or breaking up because it’s hard to deal with someone who is not willing to talk to you. Is crying or sad or grumpy or angry all the time and they don’t know what to do. It can become very frustrating for them. So and especially if you’re the type of person who like myself, you know dealing with depression, you tend to kind of lash out. Like I tend to cry about it. I’m not necessarily a mean, screaming type of person, but I’ll start bawling for no reason whatsoever or just because I’m thinking about something. You know Jenna doesn’t know what to do, or she thinks that I’m being crabby because of her or something like that. But you just need to be very clear with them, you know what’s going on. Why are you feeling that way and tell them what they can do to help you. Whether you want them to leave you alone, or talk to you, or hold you, or whatever it is. Clear communication in your relationship is key! The second thing that you need to do if you are in a depression, you feel depressed, is do not take it out on your significant other. I cannot stress this enough. You know you have issues that you’re dealing with, whether it’s family, with friends, with work, whatever it is that is causing you to be depressed and if it’s not your significant other that is the cause of that depression, don’t take it out on them. Don’t you know shut them out, or be mean to them or anything like that because number one it’s not their fault. Number two that’s not gonna help your relationship, and any way whatsoever. It’s just gonna make it even harder on them. Then you’re gonna feel guilty about it and if you keep lashing out on them then they’re gonna feel bad or get mad and then it’s just gonna make you feel even more guilty and then you feel even more depressed about it. That person loves you and they’re there to support you. So you need to use them as a support, not as a punching bad or a scapegoat or whatever it is. You just need to understand, while it’s your depression, and your feelings inside, they’re there to support you and I think, it’s one of the best tools to have as a significant other. So definitely make sure you realize and analyze the reasons why your’e depressed and make sure you don’t just blame them. Because maybe… a lot of times when you’re depressed, little tiny things will get to you. You know maybe they didn’t do the dishes, or maybe you asked them to do something and they didn’t do it and then you just lash out at them or you just thing “oh they’re just the worst person ever!” But that is not necessarily them. That’s your depression talking and making them seems like they’re worse then they are. Everybody has you know.. they’re not perfect, they have problems and you need to remember that your spouse isn’t perfect and they’re doing their best and don’t let the depression make them seem like a bad person when they’re not. Umm then I guess kind of one the last things I wanted to talk about as a person who is depressed is you know find a way to deal with your depression. Whether its counseling, medicaiton, whatever it is, make sure that your and partner, your uh significant other are both in line with it beause if you work together, you know in whatever it is whether it’s counseling or medication or just relaxing baths or whatever you need to do, to help you get through those times when your’e depressed. I think that working together as a team is just gonna make you even stronger and you can get through a depression with your significant other. It doesn’t need to ruin your relationship. (♪♪♪) Now talking as somebody on the other side, the significant other who is dealing with the person who is depressed, umm there’s a few things. Number one you need to understand that depression doesn’t necessarily have to do anything with you. You know maybe they cry or get or angry or something, they lash out. You need to remember its not against you! Maybe they say it is against you, but you just kind of have to… that’s where the communication thing comes in. You know if you’ve talked to them about what the reason are and then one day they just lash out at you, or they don’t want to talk to you or they’re not very affectionate that day, just remember that it’s not agaisnt you and you just need to let them get through it. You know that will pass you just need to be there in support. Whatever it is and that leads to number two is listen to your significant other. You know some people need to be held. Some people do not want to be held. Try to be as clear as possible with them, “what can I do to help you when you’re having your down times? When your’e not feeling so good. You know what can I do for you?” Listen to what they have to say and do what they say. If they don’t want to be touched, they don’t want to be held, even if that’s what you want to give them. Respect what their wishes are. Now there are gonna be times when you might have to put some tough love on them though. You know, if it gets to the point where your significant other is just sitting there in bed all day and unwilling to do anything then you might really need to get on them a bit and get them mad at you so that they’re actually gonna do something! You know you might have to be pushy about it. But in general respect what their wishes are, but kind of know when you might need to cross the line and help them out. You know I’ve had times where I get totally stressed out and you know dealing with depression makes that even worse. You know little things get to me and so sometimes Jenna has to kind of force me to sit down and relax or do something or you know talk to me about something. She kind of has to take control of that situation and sometimes you might need to do that. You might need to take control and help them along the way because going through a depression is really hard and the more support you can give them the better its gonna be. I guess the last thing is just remember that this is not your entire relationship. While depression can last years at sometimes, you know it’s important that you stick with that person and you help them as much as you can and you give them love and understanding and just know you can get through this together. So hopefully these tips have kind of helped you guys and just remember if you are feeling depressed, please go and get help. I’m gonna have phone numbers and websites for different places that you can get counseling if that’s what you want. Umm if that’s what you feel that you need. Just remember, you’re not crazy. Just because your depressed, it happens to everybody and its just important that you try to take steps towards getting that depression and just kind of getting your life back because it can happen! So I hope you guys have enjoyed today’s video. Maybe it’s helped you out a bit. You know having a relationship is a wonderful thing and depression does not need to be something to rip you guys apart. So I hope that you guys stay strong in your relationship and if you are feeling depressed and you want to talk about it, leave a comment. Private message me, whatever it is. I’m here for you guys and yeah. As always I will have other videos down here. Maybe you want to watch some of my funny videos or just something to pass the time when you’re not feeling so up. So click em, watch em, like em, share them and if you’re not subscribed, click SUBSCRIBE. I’d really appreciate it. I’ll see you guys in the next video. Bye everybody!

26 thoughts on “Depression: In a Relationship ┃ Jill Stewardson

  1. Your so sweet! Thank you for the video!

    My university offers free counseling for depression.. You get 8 free sessions a semester with a therapist. It really helps especially for student like my self that go to school full time and dealing with depression.

  2. Thank you Jill,great video.I am one year  from my ,now,ex wife leaving.Catalyst for a major depressive episode was the death of her father.We were soul mates,and in a matter of weeks,she shut me out,blamed me for her inner pain,and refuses,to this day to accept she was even diagnosed.No meds,no therapy.Just walked away,and shut me out. I feel "deleted"
    My two children are devastated.
    Your video is spot on,so anyone watching this,please take note and do your best to work to fight this beast.

  3. Thank you so much for your bravery and confidence to speak out and filmed this video. I suffer from a really bad case of anxiety and being Deaf doesn't help.  I've seen a therapist but I think it made it worse. I'm really worried if I'm actually suffering from Depression or not.. I've took a test on my phone to see if it matches my answers and it said severe Depression.  Have you been diagnosed with Depression?

  4. Jill, I've loved all of your videos (new subscriber, found your ASL channel first, now this one), and I just figured I'd say I know what it's like to be a generally-happy person, someone that makes others laugh and happy, while suffering from depression. It makes your depression no less real, and I wish you the best of luck. I very much appreciate the video, as I'm now in a relationship with a guy that is just absolutely wonderful, and I want to know how we can better cope when I go through depression slumps as I call them.

  5. Amazing video, really helpful tips, has helped me feel better already after I applied these to my relationship 🙂

  6. All very helpful. Thank you for sharing from your personal life as well, it puts things into a little more perspective.

  7. My problem is. I can't seem to be happy. I want to be happy so bad and I don't want this to ruin my relationship. I love him so much. But honestly I do tend to lash out on him. I try not to. I feel horrible when I do. I need some ways to calm down and be happy. this may sound weird but I'm serious. How can I be happy? What's something I can do to be happy? I've lost like interest in everything and I feel like I have nothing left to do haha. Help?

  8. I was diagnosed with major depression when I was 13. I am almost 30 now. To be honest I don't know what causes me to feel depressed. I just get in a real down mood but for no reason. Like there's no cause. My mom asks me "why are you feeling depressed?" and the only answer I can come to is "I dunno". Also, I've had depression for so long I can't tell if I'm depressed all the time and it's only worse at certain times or not.

  9. Thanks a lot very important information I needed this. My girlfriend is going through depression so sometimes she get so rude to me and I get confused that what I have done wrong. But now I know what I have to do.. 🙂

  10. I am in a long distant relationship and my boyfriend is currently depressed. I don't know what to do or how to comfort him. What do I do?

  11. my name is maria and I would like to speak with you personally if possible will you look up maria malicek on Facebook and friend request if you do Facebook please. I have learned a great deal from just one short video from you and it has helped me tremendously thank you! this being what prompted some questions for you. if you can't personally talk with me I do still appreciate your videos for the sake of myself and many many others who suffer the same as we do. God bless you and Jenna

  12. I wish I saw this video before I let depression ruin my relationship. Now no matter what I say and do my boyfriend doesn't want to deal with this together. I have been so mean to him and said very hurtful things to him it was not the first time I did this. Yesterday was the worst incident so far that I can remember and it kills me knowing that he wanted to help and I kept pushing him away. The reason I am depressed is because last February I have lost a baby and since then things are getting worse. I should have gotten professional help a lot sooner and been stronger instead of letting my depression get to me. These tips would have been very helpful right before I ruined everything. Now I am all alone and have to deal with this on my own.

  13. Hi ASL Stew Life, I appreciate your video because all you said is true. As you, my boyfriend and I are homosexual, he is depressed for 3 years and we're in a relationship for 4 years. Even if I know more about depression than the beginning, sometimes I don't step back with results I suffer of his illness and I feel guilty about his situation. Sometimes I feel also like I embarass him. He is not clear or does'nt speak when I ask him more explications about his illness what doesn't help me to be more efficient as a depressive's significant but he makes some efforts for our relationship and we both feel happy when there are'nt problems. Fortunately, I watched your helpful video which give me courage and remind me what we have to do as a couple . Thank you so much !

  14. what makes me more depressed than i am is that i cant be in another relationship because no girls will give me a chance to show them that i care for them

  15. Great presentation. Very high quality video too. Will you mind sharing with me as to what Video editing Software you use? Thanks..

  16. It can be more of an issue in a long distance relationship. It scares him when I tell him about my depression or that I have had suicidal thoughts. Him being far away, he feels useless.

  17. Is it okay to break up with someone because of their depression? My boyfriend and I have both struggled with stuff but lately his depression has been so bad. He stays in bed all day etc. I don't know what to do anymore but it hurts so much when he baills on me and just totally ignores all of my calls and texts. I don't know. I just feel so sad and don't even know why I'm with him anymore.

  18. I just broke up with someone because their depression, she told me that she love me and still wants to be my friend.. She said she don't have any energy to love anyone again, she said she love to be my gf but when her depression kick in.. It's difficult to love me, she said she'll never be in a relationship again after me. What should i do? I still love her so much.. I don't care if she was always ignoring me when she's depressed, i love everything about her, i accept everything about her.. Please please give me some advice, should i stay friends with her, But deep inside my heart i still waiting for her to love me again? Is she's gonna be back to love me again? Please anyone help.. Give me some advice, im so depressed because of this break up, please

  19. Please help. Please, idk what to do.. maybe i should take all of my feelings with me forever and die.. It's a better way i guess..

  20. Do you feel that depression makes it more difficult to sign? I am a student interpreter and I find it more difficult to be expressive in ASL because of my depression.

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