(♪♪♪) Hi everybody, today I wanted to talk about an issue that many people might not be aware. Umm many people might not know what to do but I wanted to discuss it and it’s a very sensitive and personal topic but I think it’s important that we discuss it. So I’m gonna be talking about how to deal with a depressed person, or a person who is suffering from a depression in a relationship. Now as you all know, I am married, almost 5 years now and at this point and time I personally feel that I’m going through depression. Now many of you might not notice it, because in my video, I’m very happy. Even at work, just in life I’m a very happy person, but it’s more behind the scenes that the depression comes out. You know, for example, I’ve cried my entire way to work before, some mornings just thinking about some of the issues that I’m having. Then I go to work, and I put a smile on, I wipe my tears away and nobody knows any difference. You know, but the one person who usually knows what you’re going through is your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever that significant other is in your relationship and that can really have an effect on your relationship. So I just kind of wanted to talk about a few aspects of things you can do as a person who is dealing with the depression, and as the significant other who is dealing with the person who has depression. So first, let’s talk about if you are depressed, how do you deal with that in a relationship. The number one thing that I have to say is talk about it. If you’re having an issue, whether it is because of that spouse, because of something else, you need to tell your significant other that you’re having issues. That your feeling sad and why you’re feeling that way. Because if you just shut them out of it, they’re not gonna be able to help you and they’re gonna feel that they’re doing something wrong and that can really lead to problems. If you don’t communicate with your significant other, then you could potentially you know end up in divorce or breaking up because it’s hard to deal with someone who is not willing to talk to you. Is crying or sad or grumpy or angry all the time and they don’t know what to do. It can become very frustrating for them. So and especially if you’re the type of person who like myself, you know dealing with depression, you tend to kind of lash out. Like I tend to cry about it. I’m not necessarily a mean, screaming type of person, but I’ll start bawling for no reason whatsoever or just because I’m thinking about something. You know Jenna doesn’t know what to do, or she thinks that I’m being crabby because of her or something like that. But you just need to be very clear with them, you know what’s going on. Why are you feeling that way and tell them what they can do to help you. Whether you want them to leave you alone, or talk to you, or hold you, or whatever it is. Clear communication in your relationship is key! The second thing that you need to do if you are in a depression, you feel depressed, is do not take it out on your significant other. I cannot stress this enough. You know you have issues that you’re dealing with, whether it’s family, with friends, with work, whatever it is that is causing you to be depressed and if it’s not your significant other that is the cause of that depression, don’t take it out on them. Don’t you know shut them out, or be mean to them or anything like that because number one it’s not their fault. Number two that’s not gonna help your relationship, and any way whatsoever. It’s just gonna make it even harder on them. Then you’re gonna feel guilty about it and if you keep lashing out on them then they’re gonna feel bad or get mad and then it’s just gonna make you feel even more guilty and then you feel even more depressed about it. That person loves you and they’re there to support you. So you need to use them as a support, not as a punching bad or a scapegoat or whatever it is. You just need to understand, while it’s your depression, and your feelings inside, they’re there to support you and I think, it’s one of the best tools to have as a significant other. So definitely make sure you realize and analyze the reasons why your’e depressed and make sure you don’t just blame them. Because maybe… a lot of times when you’re depressed, little tiny things will get to you. You know maybe they didn’t do the dishes, or maybe you asked them to do something and they didn’t do it and then you just lash out at them or you just thing “oh they’re just the worst person ever!” But that is not necessarily them. That’s your depression talking and making them seems like they’re worse then they are. Everybody has you know.. they’re not perfect, they have problems and you need to remember that your spouse isn’t perfect and they’re doing their best and don’t let the depression make them seem like a bad person when they’re not. Umm then I guess kind of one the last things I wanted to talk about as a person who is depressed is you know find a way to deal with your depression. Whether its counseling, medicaiton, whatever it is, make sure that your and partner, your uh significant other are both in line with it beause if you work together, you know in whatever it is whether it’s counseling or medication or just relaxing baths or whatever you need to do, to help you get through those times when your’e depressed. I think that working together as a team is just gonna make you even stronger and you can get through a depression with your significant other. It doesn’t need to ruin your relationship. (♪♪♪) Now talking as somebody on the other side, the significant other who is dealing with the person who is depressed, umm there’s a few things. Number one you need to understand that depression doesn’t necessarily have to do anything with you. You know maybe they cry or get or angry or something, they lash out. You need to remember its not against you! Maybe they say it is against you, but you just kind of have to… that’s where the communication thing comes in. You know if you’ve talked to them about what the reason are and then one day they just lash out at you, or they don’t want to talk to you or they’re not very affectionate that day, just remember that it’s not agaisnt you and you just need to let them get through it. You know that will pass you just need to be there in support. Whatever it is and that leads to number two is listen to your significant other. You know some people need to be held. Some people do not want to be held. Try to be as clear as possible with them, “what can I do to help you when you’re having your down times? When your’e not feeling so good. You know what can I do for you?” Listen to what they have to say and do what they say. If they don’t want to be touched, they don’t want to be held, even if that’s what you want to give them. Respect what their wishes are. Now there are gonna be times when you might have to put some tough love on them though. You know, if it gets to the point where your significant other is just sitting there in bed all day and unwilling to do anything then you might really need to get on them a bit and get them mad at you so that they’re actually gonna do something! You know you might have to be pushy about it. But in general respect what their wishes are, but kind of know when you might need to cross the line and help them out. You know I’ve had times where I get totally stressed out and you know dealing with depression makes that even worse. You know little things get to me and so sometimes Jenna has to kind of force me to sit down and relax or do something or you know talk to me about something. She kind of has to take control of that situation and sometimes you might need to do that. You might need to take control and help them along the way because going through a depression is really hard and the more support you can give them the better its gonna be. I guess the last thing is just remember that this is not your entire relationship. While depression can last years at sometimes, you know it’s important that you stick with that person and you help them as much as you can and you give them love and understanding and just know you can get through this together. So hopefully these tips have kind of helped you guys and just remember if you are feeling depressed, please go and get help. I’m gonna have phone numbers and websites for different places that you can get counseling if that’s what you want. Umm if that’s what you feel that you need. Just remember, you’re not crazy. Just because your depressed, it happens to everybody and its just important that you try to take steps towards getting that depression and just kind of getting your life back because it can happen! So I hope you guys have enjoyed today’s video. Maybe it’s helped you out a bit. You know having a relationship is a wonderful thing and depression does not need to be something to rip you guys apart. So I hope that you guys stay strong in your relationship and if you are feeling depressed and you want to talk about it, leave a comment. Private message me, whatever it is. I’m here for you guys and yeah. As always I will have other videos down here. Maybe you want to watch some of my funny videos or just something to pass the time when you’re not feeling so up. So click em, watch em, like em, share them and if you’re not subscribed, click SUBSCRIBE. I’d really appreciate it. I’ll see you guys in the next video. Bye everybody!