Hi, I’m Veronica. One of the lowest points in my experience living with depression is when I was 20 years old and put into
a psychiatric hospital against my will. One Saturday morning, I prepared for brunch by taking a handful of anti-anxiety meds with beer and vodka. I wanted to escape. I didn’t care if I fell into a deep sleep and never woke up. My friends came to pick me up and they knew something was off. So we went to the ER. I was worried about the nurses seeing my arms because I’m a self-harmer. and I knew that they would freak out; not only about the cuts, but the scars. I didn’t consider taking the pills a suicide attempt but it was definitely suicidal behavior. And if you’ve ever had any experience with suicidal thoughts, this is a safe place to share and you can do it below. I was told that I was going to be put on a 5150, which is a California law that states they believe you are harm to yourself or others, you can be put into a mental institution against your will. I was terrified. I was frustrated. I felt like a prisoner. Even being transported there, I was in the back of a van that was driven by a police officer and caged in like an animal. My room was sterile, very similar to the one I’m in right now, with white walls, florescent lighting. I was made to go in front of a table of about 10 people and prove my sanity. And if I answered incorrectly, I would be stuck in there for I don’t know how long. After about 45 minutes of questioning, I got out. I felt relieved. I was starving. And I was so grateful that another friend of mine was waiting for me with McDonald’s breakfast. The main thought in my mind was if I ever do this again, I’m not getting caught. And there’s no way I’m ever going to end up in a psychiatric hospital ever again.