Can You Move Beyond Depression? | Our Top Advice


It felt like I was
surrounded by darkness, even though the sun
was coming up. it was a great summer morning. I felt like I was
standing in darkness. I felt like I had this
pressure over my chest. like I couldn’t breathe. Like someone was standing
over my chest. We have interviewed
hundreds of people about how they managed to
move beyond their depression. In this video, we have gathered their
key lessons and learnings that might be useful for you. It was… It was tough. It was feeling a pain
that you can’t touch. It’s a pain you can’t
make go away by a band aid, or a remedy. It’s… It’s a pain that goes
through your whole body. And it’s… ..extremely frustrating. It’s like drowning slowly. You can’t really escape it. So it’s… It’s not very enjoyable. I think depression fundamentally
is the absence of any energy. And I use the metaphor
with a lot of my service users of car batteries. If you leave all the lights on,
and the radio on, the heater on
and everything, your battery goes flat. If you don’t have regular things
that revitalize that battery it’s flat. Rather than depression being- Well there’s a feeling
of sadness, but actually the more
severe depression there’s no feeling what so ever. It’s absolutely absent
void of feeling. It’s more around
that blankness which people find more
disconcerting than feeling sad. Because they look for an aboutness
when you’re feeling sad. Something that isn’t
about this just “blank”. When you’re depressed
you have zero confidence, you have zero belief,
you have zero ambition, you have zero motivation. You’re empty. It becomes this negative spiral. Which also leads to the whole
feeling of drowning. You don’t like yourself. Why should anyone else like you? You start thinking:
“Would anyone really care if I wasn’t here? Or are people just around me
because they feel sorry for me.” A lot of mental health problems
are counter intuitive. in comparison to
physical health problems. If I break my leg,
I rest and I don’t use my leg. My leg magically heals,
and when it’s better I can use it. It might need a bit of
rehab and physio, but I don’t do anything
until it’s better. That’s the completely opposite
of mental health. With mental health if you don’t
do anything until you feel better you will never feel better. The less you do,
the worse you feel. You introduce to people
the concept of behaving as if you’re okay. Because as people do less,
they remove or deprive themselves of the main reversal in depression. Which is positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement
comes from noticing effort. It comes from social interaction. It comes from being
around people. If you get that depressed
where you never get out of bed, You have no positive
reinforcement. It was… As I can remember,
it was a very rainy day. It was… I woke up feeling insecure, feeling like I don’t want to
do anything. But I had to go to school. And I was bullied. And when I got home… I just felt like,
this is it. Like I can’t take this anymore. This has been going on
for too long. If I continue going
on like this it’s just gonna
continue and continue. And it’s better for me
to just leave now. Rather than suffer this
for the rest of my life. I think most people that
are depressed would have had suicidal thoughts at one point. I think most of us have thought
or think: “Is this really worth it? Is this what life really is?” I think that’s actually
perfectly normal. For when you have really tricky
periods in your life. The difference is
the quality of that and how all-consuming
it becomes. And then when there’s a… ..I’d say fixation
or people start sliding towards planning. So when people are
feeling that low, most of the time they are finding
a way to resist those thoughts. So when you say to people… For instance, when we have
people phone our crisis team, one of the most important questions
I think in that interaction is: “How did you decide to phone me? Tell me about how you found
the courage to pick up the phone and contact me in that moment.” They might say: “Well I was thinking
about my daughter.” “Tell me more about your daughter, tell me all about your daughter” What you’re trying
to do in those moments you’re trying to foreground
the reasons for living. so that the reasons
for dying are back-grounded. All I wanted was for someone
to ask me if I was OK, and they didn’t. In that moment I felt
so alone and isolated that I seriously
contemplated self-harming. Because I just wanted
someone to recognize that I wasn’t feeling OK. The guaranteed way
to save someones life, is to just say ‘how are you?’ In England if you say how are you?,
‘Oh I’m fine’. So you do the twice
‘how are you?’ “How are you?
no I mean, how are you?” You actually let someone tell you
what’s going on. Once you’ve made that connection, you can do something to help. The thing that saves lives, is approaching and
asking if they’re okay. I can imagine right now, you feel like you
can’t talk to anyone. You feel very isolated and alone. The biggest part for me was I
was scared of what other people would think of me. But I put all of my trust in
hoping that someone was going to ask me if I was OK. I only had one person
to ask me if I was OK. I was extremely lucky
that they did ask me. If I could go back, I would of been completely
honest with everyone and taken ownership of it. It allowed me to become
more empowered to manage it. By acknowledging it, it empowers you to
take ownership of it. And by being honest, with yourself and with other people
that there is something wrong. That will allow you to get help. If you broke your leg,
you wouldn’t assume “Oh I can’t talk to someone
about this.” Or you wouldn’t assume that you
have to fix it by yourself. You hand it over
to professionals, and that’s the same
with you mental health. They are there to
help and care for you, and that’s what makes them
so good at their job. It’s not easy, because to you
it might make it feel all that more real but it’s a good thing
that it feels real. If it’s real then there’s
something that can be done. You release a lot of pressure,
all that weight on your shoulders by talking to someone. It did for me. Speaking to someone new
like my therapist. Trying something
completely different, it opened a lot of doors. It made me listen to my voice. How weird it sounded the things
I was doing and went through, “How do I overcome all of this?
It’s never gonna get any better.” But I’ve been through it,
I know how it feels. I can promise you
it’s going to get better. My number one tip to really
getting over all of this, is to find something
that you love doing. Sing, until your voice is golden. Do you, do the best that
you can do in something you love that will put your
focus away from… ..the hardships you go through. It will make you
so much better, because you have something
completely different to focus on. You have something
to be happy for. You have something that
makes sense to you. People like
the things you do. People like when
you are yourself. And if you sell people yourself, they will expect that. There’s nobody in this world
who can be the one person you are. I learned to be grateful. Really.
To be grateful of… ..all the things that are
good in my life. I don’t really know that much. And that’s the whole point. That’s the whole point of
searching to learn all the time. There’s a lot more joy
in giving than receiving. And also embracing what I want. These are things that I
apply in my life today. You can find the links to
their full interviews below in the description. Or you can go into
www.thehumanaspect.com and simply search their names.

2 thoughts on “Can You Move Beyond Depression? | Our Top Advice

  1. this video was really amazing!! and yeah talking about something you're going through is the hardest, but also saves you…

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